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It's long, but well worth it IMHO: Know your System Administrator - a field guide Originally Posted by elija Now be honest - who has a dirty mind? Dirty? Me? ...
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  1. #11
    Linux Engineer Freston's Avatar
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    It's long, but well worth it IMHO:

    Know your System Administrator - a field guide

    Quote Originally Posted by elija
    Now be honest - who has a dirty mind?
    Dirty? Me? Nononono,, I wasn't thinking about girls, no not at all! Oh oops
    Can't tell an OS by it's GUI

  2. #12
    Just Joined! questio verum's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Freston View Post
    It's long, but well worth it IMHO:

    Know your System Administrator - a field guide
    Thanks for the linky, Freston.. Those last two sections are priceless.

  3. #13
    Linux Engineer b2bwild's Avatar
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    "Windows is a Very bad Emulator of WINE" by me
    :P
    Never make any misteaks.

    Read my Blog at --> Penguin Inside Subscribe Feed

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  5. #14
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    I just wanted to say we need MORE!! I have been enjoying this thread! I am going to have to start promoting this one everytime someone new comes in! So please..more jokes ....please....I read them!! I have jokes...(just can't post them tee hee)

  6. #15
    Penguin of trust elija's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bdecker0922 View Post
    I just wanted to say we need MORE!!
    Two women were walking home after a girlie night out. They were very drunk, and the walk home took some time due to their intoxicated state.

    Eventually, they found themselves desperate for a wee. At that particular moment, they were passing a church and decided to go behind the headstones in the graveyard.

    As they finish they both realize they have nothing to 'freshen-up' with so the first woman decided to use her knickers and then throw them away.


    The second woman was wearing very expensive underwear and therefore was reluctant to lose them, when she noticed a new grave nearby with lots of freshflowers, amongst which was a very lavish bouquet with a thick soft ribbon.

    Just the job she decided, and without another thought, duly used the ribbon to dry herself. Their taskcompleted, the women continued staggering home.

    The next morning, the husband of the first woman phoned the husband of the second:
    "We need to keep an eye on our wives. Mine came home with no knickers on last night."

    "You think you've got problems!" exclaimed the second bloke.

    "My wife came home last night with a card stuck up her bottom that said:


    "We'll Never Forget You - From All the Lads at the Fire Station"
    "I used to be with it, then they changed what it was.
    Now what was it isn't it, and what is it is weird and scary to me.
    It'll happen to you too."

    Grandpa Simpson



    The Fifth Continent

  7. #16
    Penguin of trust elija's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bdecker0922 View Post
    I just wanted to say we need MORE!!
    I don't understand why I failed my Medics Exams


    Benign....................What you be, after you be eight.
    Artery.....................The study of painting.
    Bacteria..................Back door to caferteria.
    Barium....................What doctors do when patients die.
    Caesarean section...A neighbourhood in Rome.
    Catscan..................Searching for Kitty.
    Cauterise................Made eye contact with her.
    Colic.......................A sheep dog
    Coma......................A punctuation mark.
    D&C........................Where Washington is.
    Dilate.......................To live long.
    Enema.....................Not a friend.
    Fester......................Quicker than someone else.
    Fibula.......................A small lie.
    Genital......................Non-Jewish person.
    G.I. Series.................World Series of military baseball.
    Hangnail....................What you hang your coat on.
    Impotent....................Distinguished, well known.
    Labour Pain...............Getting hurt at work.
    Medical staff..............A doctor's cane.
    Morbid......................A higher offer.
    Nitrates.....................Cheaper than day rates.
    Node.........................I knew it.
    Outpatient.................A person who has fainted.
    Pap smear................A fatherhood test.
    Pelvis........................Second cousin to Elvis
    Post operative............A letter carrier.
    Recovery room...........Place to do upholstery.
    Rectum.....................Damn near killed him.
    Secretion...................Hiding something.
    Seizure.....................Roman emperor
    Tablet.......................A small table
    Terminal illness.........Getting sick at the airport.
    Tumour.....................One plus one more.
    Urine........................Opposite of you're out.
    Varicose...................Near by/close by
    "I used to be with it, then they changed what it was.
    Now what was it isn't it, and what is it is weird and scary to me.
    It'll happen to you too."

    Grandpa Simpson



    The Fifth Continent

  8. #17
    Linux Enthusiast cousinlucky's Avatar
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    Rokytnji, I really enjoyed retired people! Thanks.
    PCLinuxOS Gnome and PCLinuxOS Mate
    Linux user # 414321
    You Should Not Give In To Evils, But Proceed Ever More Boldly Against Them!! -from book six of Virgil's Aeneid
    Everything Within The Universe Is Related; We Are All Cousins!!

  9. #18
    Administrator MikeTbob's Avatar
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    The Talking Monkey

    Ok, last time I told a joke, someone got offended....my bad. I'll keep it toned down this time.



    A police officer came upon a tragic wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage, a small monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the demolished car. Looking down at the monkey, the officer said, "Boy, I sure wish you could talk."
    The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. "Can you understand what I'm saying?" the officer asked.
    Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.
    "Did you see this happen?" asked the officer.
    "Yes," the monkey motioned.
    "Can you tell me what happened?" the officer inquired.
    The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
    "They were drinking then?" the officer asked.
    The monkey shook his head "Yes."
    "What else?" asked the officer.
    The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
    "They were smoking marijuana?" the officer inquired.
    The monkey shook his head "Yes."
    "What else?" asked the officer.
    The monkey puckered his lips and motioned "kissing".
    "They were kissing, too?" asked the astounded officer.
    The monkey shook his head "Yes."
    "Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and kissing before they wrecked," the officer said.
    The monkey shook his head "Yes."
    "Well, what were you doing during all of this?" asked the officer.
    "Driving" the monkey motioned.
    I do not respond to private messages asking for Linux help, Please keep it on the forums only.
    All new users please read this.** Forum FAQS. ** Adopt an unanswered post.

    I'd rather be lost at the lake than found at home.

  10. #19
    Linux Engineer Freston's Avatar
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    A bit difficult to translate, but here it is...

    An old humpbacked man walked through the lonely night. He was far from home when it started to rain, and so he decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery. His old bones where cold, and he started to feel ill. Not being able to see through the darkness, he stumbled over the graves.

    But lo! A white light shone through the foggy center of the cemetery. The man, lost and worried, walked towards the light in the hope of finding someone able to help him. But arrived in the center, it struck him a grave emitted the light. As he approached carefully, a ghost suddenly emerged from the grave and spoke: "Whoehahahaha, I am a ghost. What is that on your back??"

    The man, terrified, replied: "a hump sir ghost, it is my hump". The ghost reached out, and took the hump away.

    The man, able to stand up straight for the first time in his life, was filled with joy. He felt 20 years younger. Hurray! He made his way through the cemetery, and decided to go to a pub to celebrate. "Drinks are on me!!!" he called when he came inside a local bar. Everyone joined him in his celebration and where more than happy to share a few drinks with him. Everyone? No, not everyone...

    In a dark corner of the pub there was an toothless old man with a wooden leg and a glass eye. Nobody ever talked to him, and he sat lonely always minding his own business. But after hearing the incredible story of the man that just kept on buying rounds, he sneaked outside. It was cold in the rain, and the ground was wet. The wooden leg sank deeper and deeper in the ground, but he was deliberate to find this ghost in the hope he too would be helped. With every step it got harder, and every minute it seemed colder. And when he couldn't walk anymore, he crawled.

    As this man crawled towards the center of the cemetery, he too saw a vague light. A grave, a lit grave! He approached it further, his heart pounding is his throat.... suddenly, a ghost emerged from the grave and said: "Whoehahahaha, I am a ghost. What is that on your back??"

    The man, struck with confusion, mumbled: "nothing sir ghost", the ghost reached out to him and said: "here, a hump"
    Can't tell an OS by it's GUI

  11. #20
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    Here is another for cousin lucky


    An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday
    evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.
    He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
    The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The
    Old man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
    At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought
    Another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000' the
    jeweler said.
    The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
    The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
    The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, 'by
    check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it
    now20and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds. I'll pick the
    ring up Monday afternoon,' he said.
    Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. 'There's no money in
    that account.'
    'I know,' said the old man, 'But let me tell you about my
    weekend!'

    All Seniors Aren't Senile

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