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Must be another reason why my sight is failing. I must be a exception to the rule....
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- 01-31-2009 #61
- 01-31-2009 #62
I hope this thread never ends!!PCLinuxOS Gnome and PCLinuxOS Mate
Linux user # 414321
You Should Not Give In To Evils, But Proceed Ever More Boldly Against Them!! -from book six of Virgil's Aeneid
Everything Within The Universe Is Related; We Are All Cousins!!
- 01-31-2009 #63
We all know what kind of Bee makes honey, but what kind if bee makes milk?
Quoted from a 5th grader.
- 01-31-2009 #64
A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little boy next door. The little boy is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. He is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog.
The fireman says "Hey little boy. What are you doing?"
The little boy says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!"
The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "Little boy that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says.
"Thanks mister", says the little boy.
The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little boy has tied the dog to the wagon by its testicles. "Little boy", says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster."
The little boy says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"
- 01-31-2009 #65
A fireman and a policeman died and both went to heaven where they were issued their wings with the warning that if they had even have one bad thought their wings would fall off.
Well, everything went well for some time then one day they passed a very attractive and well put together young lady.
As the fireman turned to watch her pass his wings fell off.
When he bent over to pick them up the policeman's wings fell off.
- 01-31-2009 #66
- Join Date
- Apr 2004
Three men die and turned up at the Pearly Gates. Before admitting them to Heaven, St. Peter explained how their lives would affect their experience.
To the first man he said, "In life you were a cad. You were lecherous and unfaithful to your many partners. Your transport in Heaven will be a Ford."
To the second man he said, "In life you were a better man. You coveted other women but never betrayed your marriage vows. Your transport in Heaven will be a BMW."
To the third man he said, "In life you were pure. You were faithful to your wife and never so much as thought about other women. In Heaven your transport will be a Ferrari."
The three men received their cars, but before going their separate ways they arranged to meet in a weeks time to compare their experiences.
The day arrives and they talk about how things are going. The first man said, "Well, I get some funny looks now and then, but things are still pretty blissful."
The second said, "It's great! Any time I go somewhere I always get special treatment and valet parking."
The third man then burst into tears. "It's terrible!" he exclaimed. The others asked how this could be, he got the best car so he should be getting the best Heaven has to offer.
"I saw my wife yesterday," explained the third man. "She was on a skateboard."To be good, you must first be bad. "Newbie" is a rank, not a slight.
- 02-01-2009 #67
Today, we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend; Common
Sense, who has been with us for many years.
No one knows for sure how old he was,
since his birth records were lost long ago in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
* Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
* Why the early bird gets the worm;
*Life isn't always fair;
*and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies
(don't spend more than you can earn)
and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place.
Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a
classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch;
and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they
themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required
to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student;
but could not inform parents when a
student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion!
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches
and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you
couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home
and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live,
after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot.
She spilled a little in her lap,
and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death, by his
parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion his daughter,
Responsibility his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
* I Know My Rights* I Want It Now* Someone Else
Is To Blame* I'm A VictimNot many attended his funeral
because so few realized he was gone.
- 02-01-2009 #68
rokytnji, That would be funny if it wasn't trueWhat do we want?
When do we want 'em?
Doesn't really matter does it!?
Conkybots: Interactive plugins for your Conkys!
- 02-01-2009 #69
It's Sunday, early morning here, they just burn't down the Prison Last night (won't go into it for the sake of this thread). Got this news from the wife coming home from her job this morning. Best I could do under the circumstances. Threw a wrench in my mood today, it did.
- 02-01-2009 #70
- Join Date
- Jul 2008
- Pondicherry, India.
Don't know if you've heard this one...
A reporter writes in a news paper: Lunatic rapes woman and escapes.
The manager says: Make it more interesting.
So the reporter writes: Maniac f***s lady and disappears.
This the manager says: It's too vulgur.
Finally the reporter comes up with : Nut screws and bolts.