jokes / funny stuff thread 2011

[cerealad]

In downtown of a big city a cop was patrolling the street when he saw a sportscar doing 200mph. Well, he somehow stops it, comes up & says:
Cop: - License, please.
Driver: - What? I don't have any?
C: -? Sir is this your car?
D: - Nope, just stole it.
Cop gets nervous takes his gun, calls for backup: - Hands up! Get out of the car!
After a couple of minutes other cops come & ask: - Sir, your documents.
D: - Here. - and gives his drivers' license.
Other cop: - Sir, is this your car?
D: - Yes, of course. Here's the documents.
Other cop looks suspiciously at first cop: - Sir, my colleague says you were driving stolen vehicle.
D: - This guy is crazy. What's he gonna say next - that I was driving at 200miles on a downtown busy street?!

[cerealad]

A lady had an big old locker and every time the train passed by home the locker made cracking sounds. She decided to get it fixed and called up a craftsman. He looked it around and didn't figure out the source of the noise. So he decided to check it from inside as the train passes. A bit ladys' husband comes home opens the locker and finds the guy. The craftsman nervously:
- You won't believe me, but I'm waiting for a train.

[cerealad]

A man calls an computer store:
Man: -Hi, I bought this printer and it's not working. I want to return it.
Store: - Okay, sir. What seems to be the problem.
M: -Well, first I've put the printer on the computer, then right in front of the display, then behind it, then held it next to it. It still says that it can't find the printer.

[SunshineFolk]

In downtown of a big city a cop was patrolling the street when he saw a sportscar doing 200mph. Well, he somehow stops it, comes up & says:
Cop: - License, please.
Driver: - What? I don't have any?
C: -? Sir is this your car?
D: - Nope, just stole it.
Cop gets nervous takes his gun, calls for backup: - Hands up! Get out of the car!
After a couple of minutes other cops come & ask: - Sir, your documents.
D: - Here. - and gives his drivers' license.
Other cop: - Sir, is this your car?
D: - Yes, of course. Here's the documents.
Other cop looks suspiciously at first cop: - Sir, my colleague says you were driving stolen vehicle.
D: - This guy is crazy. What's he gonna say next - that I was driving at 200miles on a downtown busy street?!

Hilarious!!!

[jayd512]

A lady had an big old locker and every time the train passed by home the locker made cracking sounds. She decided to get it fixed and called up a craftsman. He looked it around and didn't figure out the source of the noise. So he decided to check it from inside as the train passes. A bit ladys' husband comes home opens the locker and finds the guy. The craftsman nervously:
- You won't believe me, but I'm waiting for a train.

ROFL!
Banana for you!

[SunshineFolk]

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell."

"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."

"The problem," she complained, "is that it wakes me up."
====================================

A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water. His wife asks, "What's that for?"

"It's for your headache."

"I don't have a headache."

He replies, "Gotcha!"
====================================

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:

"How much for a season pass?"

[Rubberman]

A lady had an big old locker and every time the train passed by home the locker made cracking sounds. She decided to get it fixed and called up a craftsman. He looked it around and didn't figure out the source of the noise. So he decided to check it from inside as the train passes. A bit ladys' husband comes home opens the locker and finds the guy. The craftsman nervously:
- You won't believe me, but I'm waiting for a train.

Good one! Get's my vote!

[SunshineFolk]

I saw this on Facebook and it made me literally laugh out loud.
Status:

So if anyone has a broken 3gs (at&t) they'd be willing to part with let me know.

Comments:

what happened to yours??

Well I got that water proof app, but I forgot to turn it on before I went swimming so my phone if half died.

[Rubberman]

A man calls an computer store:
Man: -Hi, I bought this printer and it's not working. I want to return it.
Store: - Okay, sir. What seems to be the problem.
M: -Well, first I've put the printer on the computer, then right in front of the display, then behind it, then held it next to it. It still says that it can't find the printer.

When did you start stealing my clients?

[cousinlucky]

Thanks JD512 that was very funny and not cool for here. You made my day!!