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  1. #111
    Linux Guru Lakshmipathi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    3rd rock from sun - Often seen near moon

    Quote Originally Posted by arespi View Post
    This guy goes into the pet shop and ask the owner:

    "I want a new pet, but i want something original, that nobody else has"
    the owner says "I have this parrot, it is unique!, if you pull its left leg it speaks in french, and if you pull the right leg, it speaks in english"
    the guy says "wow, thats amazing!, and what would happend if i pull both legs?"
    and the parrot says "I fell off the perch, you fool!!"
    hahaha good one
    First they ignore you,Then they laugh at you,Then they fight with you,Then you win. - M.K.Gandhi
    FOSS India Award winning ext3fs Undelete tool Online Linux Terminal

  2. #112
    An old ophthalmologist (eye doctor) is retiring, so all the coworkers made a nice GoodBye party. And during that party they gave our Doc a big cake shaped like an eye and with his picture in the middle - in pupil. An old Doc looks for a while, smiles and says: "Thank God I didn't become a gynecologist.".

  3. #113
    Administrator jayd512's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Quote Originally Posted by cerealad View Post
    "Thank God I didn't become a gynecologist.".
    What if he had become a proctologist?

    New users, read this first.
    New Member FAQ
    Registered Linux User #463940
    I do not respond to private messages asking for Linux help. Please keep it on the public boards.

  4. $spacer_open
  5. #114
    Quote Originally Posted by jayd512 View Post
    What if he had become a proctologist?

    Ha ha, that's worse

  6. #115

    The Hunter

    Jerremy was a big-game hunter and a big bore. He had cornered a dinner guest in his trophy room to explain in great detail how each of his kills had been made. Pointing to a large tiger skin on the floor, he boasted, “I got that one in India. Just stumbled on him. I had no choice. It was either the tiger or me.”

    “The tiger was a wise choice,” sighed a weary guest. “You’d have made a lousy rug.”
    Linux User #489667

  7. #116
    The clergyman was on the golf course when he heard a beginner, deep in a sand trap, let loose a stream of profanity. “I have often noticed,” chided the clergyman, “that the best golfers are not addicted to the use of foul language.”

    “Of course not,” screamed the man. “What do they have to swear about?”
    Linux User #489667

  8. #117

    No Future Inheritance

    “There’s good news and bad news,” the divorce lawyer told his client.

    “I could sure use some good news,” sighed the client. “What is it?”

    “Your wife isn’t demanding that your future inheritances be included in the settlement.”

    “And the bad news?”

    “After the divorce, she’s marrying your father.”
    Linux User #489667

  9. #118
    The Doctor told uncle Fudd that if he ran five miles a day for 300 days, he would lose 75 pounds. At the end of 300 days, Uncle Fudd called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.

    “What’s the problem?” asked the doctor.

    “I’m 1500 miles from home.”
    Linux User #489667

  10. #119
    Linux Engineer MASONTX's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Mason Texas
    A man was out working in his yard when his neighbor came out, looked in his mail box, and went back in the house. A few minutes later he again came out, looked in the mail box, and went back in the house. A few minutes later his neighbor again came out and looked in the mail box. The man was curious so he called out to his neighbor, "Something wrong Sam?"
    Sam looked up and replied, "Somethings wrong with my stupid computer. It keeps telling me I have mail."
    Registered Linux user #526930

  11. #120

    Little Johnny

    A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked,

    "Little Johnny, what's your problem?"

    Little Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

    Ms. Brooks had enough. She took Little Johnny to the principal's office. While Little Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

    Little Johnny was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

    Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

    Little Johnny: "9."

    Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

    Little Johnny: "36."

    And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her,

    "I think Little Johnny can go to the 3rd grade."

    Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

    The principal and Little Johnny both agreed.

    Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

    Little Johnny, after a moment: "Legs."

    Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

    The principal wondered why would she ask such a question! Little Johnny replied: "Pockets."

    Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

    Little Johnny: "Pants."

    Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"

    Little Johnny: "Coconut."

    The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

    Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

    The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Little

    Johnny replied, "Bubble gum."

    Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

    Little Johnny: "Shake hands."

    The principal was trembling.

    Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

    Little Johnny: "Firetruck."

    The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Little Johnny in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...... "

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