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Thread: jokes / funny stuff thread 2011
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Very good Nujinini!! Thanks Taz!!PCLinuxOS Gnome and PCLinuxOS Mate
Linux user # 414321
You Should Not Give In To Evils, But Proceed Ever More Boldly Against Them!! -from book six of Virgil's Aeneid
Everything Within The Universe Is Related; We Are All Cousins!!
Then we might end up as classmates... I got the last seven wrong toonujinini
Linux User #489667
Sometimes I notice a "like" button but more often I can't see it.
I've attached a screenshot fwiw.nujinini
Linux User #489667
A man and his new wife went riding mules at the grand canyon on the trails, the mule stumbled and the wife leaned forward and told the mule thats one. A little while later he stumbled again and the woman leaned forward and said thats two. A third time he stumbled so she pulled out a pistol and shot the mule. The husband yelled at her and said you cant just go around shooting animals. The wife replies thats one.
- Join Date
- Apr 2009
- I can be found either 40 miles west of Chicago, in Chicago, or in a galaxy far, far away.
Only slightly religious...
A Scottish Atheist goes out one day for a fishing trip on Loch Ness.
He had been out for several hours without a bite.
Suddenly, a monstrous head emerges from the water, and looms over the man.
As it descends upon him, he cries out "Oh God! Help me!!!"
He hears a booming voice from the sky.
"I thought you didn't believe in me."
The man, obviously shaken, replies "Give me a break! Five minutes ago, I didn't believe in the Loch Ness Monster!!!"
A pastor wakes up one Sunday morning.
It's a beautiful day, with the sun shining and not a cloud in the sky.
He decides he's going to play hookie and go hunting for the day.
After heading out deep into the woods, he looses his footing and tumbles down a hill.
He finds that he has a broken leg, and his rifle is far out of reach.
Suddenly, a bear comes charging out of the brush directly at him.
He cries, "Oh Lord, I'm sorry for not going to church! I'm sorry for not leading my flock! Please, whatever punishment I receive, I accept it!"
"Whatever you do, Lord... just PLEASE, make this bear a Christian!!!"
The bear drops to its knees, clasps its front paws, and says: "Bless you, Lord, for this meal that I am about to receive..."
I Know This Lawyer
A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial-a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs.
You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail within 3 minutes!"nujinini
Linux User #489667