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Originally Posted by TaZMAniac A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Little Johnny, what's your problem?" Little Johnny answered, "I'm too ...
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  1. #121
    Linux Engineer nujinini's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TaZMAniac View Post
    A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked,

    "Little Johnny, what's your problem?"

    Little Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

    Ms. Brooks had enough. She took Little Johnny to the principal's office. While Little Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

    Little Johnny was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

    Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

    Little Johnny: "9."

    Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

    Little Johnny: "36."

    And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her,

    "I think Little Johnny can go to the 3rd grade."

    Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

    The principal and Little Johnny both agreed.

    Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

    Little Johnny, after a moment: "Legs."

    Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

    The principal wondered why would she ask such a question! Little Johnny replied: "Pockets."

    Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

    Little Johnny: "Pants."

    Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"

    Little Johnny: "Coconut."

    The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

    Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

    The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Little

    Johnny replied, "Bubble gum."

    Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

    Little Johnny: "Shake hands."

    The principal was trembling.

    Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

    Little Johnny: "Firetruck."

    The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Little Johnny in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...... "
    Hey!!! This kid is better than me!!!

    I don't have a like button... so i'll just :like: this one.
    nujinini
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  2. #122
    Linux Enthusiast cousinlucky's Avatar
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    Very good Nujinini!! Thanks Taz!!
    PCLinuxOS Gnome and PCLinuxOS Mate
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    You Should Not Give In To Evils, But Proceed Ever More Boldly Against Them!! -from book six of Virgil's Aeneid
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  3. #123
    Administrator jayd512's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TaZMAniac View Post
    The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Little Johnny in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...... "
    Maybe I need to go back to the 3rd grade... cuz I got them wrong, too!
    Jay

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  4. #124
    Linux Engineer nujinini's Avatar
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    Then we might end up as classmates... I got the last seven wrong too
    nujinini
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  5. #125
    Administrator MikeTbob's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nujinini View Post
    Hey!!! This kid is better than me!!!

    I don't have a like button... so i'll just :like: this one.
    Seriously? You don't see a "like" link on every post? Sounds like a BUG!
    I do not respond to private messages asking for Linux help, Please keep it on the forums only.
    All new users please read this.** Forum FAQS. ** Adopt an unanswered post.

    I'd rather be lost at the lake than found at home.

  6. #126
    Linux Engineer nujinini's Avatar
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    Sometimes I notice a "like" button but more often I can't see it.

    I've attached a screenshot fwiw.
    Attached Images Attached Images
    nujinini
    Linux User #489667

  7. #127
    Administrator MikeTbob's Avatar
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    A man and his new wife went riding mules at the grand canyon on the trails, the mule stumbled and the wife leaned forward and told the mule thats one. A little while later he stumbled again and the woman leaned forward and said thats two. A third time he stumbled so she pulled out a pistol and shot the mule. The husband yelled at her and said you cant just go around shooting animals. The wife replies thats one.
    jayd512 likes this.
    I do not respond to private messages asking for Linux help, Please keep it on the forums only.
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    I'd rather be lost at the lake than found at home.

  8. #128
    Linux Guru Rubberman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MikeTbob View Post
    A man and his new wife went riding mules at the grand canyon on the trails, the mule stumbled and the wife leaned forward and told the mule thats one. A little while later he stumbled again and the woman leaned forward and said thats two. A third time he stumbled so she pulled out a pistol and shot the mule. The husband yelled at her and said you cant just go around shooting animals. The wife replies thats one.
    That sounds like my wife!
    Sometimes, real fast is almost as good as real time.
    Just remember, Semper Gumbi - always be flexible!

  9. #129
    Administrator jayd512's Avatar
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    Only slightly religious...

    A Scottish Atheist goes out one day for a fishing trip on Loch Ness.
    He had been out for several hours without a bite.
    Suddenly, a monstrous head emerges from the water, and looms over the man.
    As it descends upon him, he cries out "Oh God! Help me!!!"
    He hears a booming voice from the sky.
    "I thought you didn't believe in me."
    The man, obviously shaken, replies "Give me a break! Five minutes ago, I didn't believe in the Loch Ness Monster!!!"


    ************************************************** **********************************

    A pastor wakes up one Sunday morning.
    It's a beautiful day, with the sun shining and not a cloud in the sky.
    He decides he's going to play hookie and go hunting for the day.
    After heading out deep into the woods, he looses his footing and tumbles down a hill.
    He finds that he has a broken leg, and his rifle is far out of reach.
    Suddenly, a bear comes charging out of the brush directly at him.
    He cries, "Oh Lord, I'm sorry for not going to church! I'm sorry for not leading my flock! Please, whatever punishment I receive, I accept it!"
    "Whatever you do, Lord... just PLEASE, make this bear a Christian!!!"

    The bear drops to its knees, clasps its front paws, and says: "Bless you, Lord, for this meal that I am about to receive..."
    Jay

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  10. #130
    Linux Engineer nujinini's Avatar
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    I Know This Lawyer


    A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial-a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

    She responded, "Yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs.

    You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

    The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"

    She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

    At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail within 3 minutes!"
    nujinini
    Linux User #489667

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