Results 181 to 190 of 286
Thread: jokes / funny stuff thread 2011
Enjoy an ad free experience by logging in. Not a member yet? Register.
- Join Date
- Apr 2009
- I can be found either 40 miles west of Chicago, in Chicago, or in a galaxy far, far away.
Sometimes, real fast is almost as good as real time.
Just remember, Semper Gumbi - always be flexible!
I have just showed the picture of the rotary "cell" phone to one of my 20 y-o intern. I had to explain him how rotary phones did work.
Boy do I feel old now....
A country boy was walking through the woods and noticed a lot of deer droppings (for you city folks, they are about the size and shape of a pnut M&M). He thought to himself, "Too bad I can't find a way to sell these things, my money problems would be over."
Suddenly inspiration hit, so he gathered up a bucket full, dyed them bright red, and went to the city. When he arrived in the city, he set up a sidewalk stand with the sign, "Smart pills, $1.00"
Fairly soon, a city boy approached and asked, "Will these pills really make me smarter?"
The country boy assured him, "They are guaranteed to make you smarter."
"Well," the city boy said, taking a dollar out of his wallet, "better give me one." He took the pill, chewed it up, made a face, and said, "How long does it take, I don't feel any smarter yet?"
The country boy replied, "Sometimes it takes more than one. Better buy another one."
"Ok" the city boy said, taking another dollar out of his wallet, "Give me another one."
Once again, he chewed up the pill, made a face, and said, "I still don't feel any smarter, are you sure these things work?"
"Maybe in your case you should try three pills." the country boy told him.
"Alright," the city boy said, "give me one more." He took the pill chewed it up, made a horrible face and said, "Man, these things taste like sh*t!"
"See," said the country boy, "you're smarter already."Registered Linux user #526930
Thanks Mason!!PCLinuxOS Gnome and PCLinuxOS Mate
Linux user # 414321
You Should Not Give In To Evils, But Proceed Ever More Boldly Against Them!! -from book six of Virgil's Aeneid
Everything Within The Universe Is Related; We Are All Cousins!!
A society columnist was assigned to interview an elderly socialite. In preparing for the interview he noted she had been married 4 times. During the interview he asked her, "I notice you have been married 4 times. Your first husband was a prominent investment banker, your second husband was a well known actor, your third husband was a famous televangelist, and your present husband owns a chain of mortuaries. Why did you marry such different types of men?"
She smiled at him and said, "1 was for the money, 2 was for the show, 3 was to get me ready, and 4 is for when I go."Registered Linux user #526930
On the eve of her wedding, a middle aged woman consulted with her pastor. She was terribly nervous about the wedding night, as she was still a virgin. The pastor was confused.
"How can that be?" he asked. "You've been married three times!"
She replied, "Yes. But let me explain. My first husband was a psychiatrist, and he just wanted to talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist, and he just wanted to look at it. And my third husband was a stamp collector... Oh God I miss him!"
I refuse to let fear and fear of others rule my life. It puts my humanity at risk.
- Join Date
- Jul 2008
Accepting Death is the only way to stay alive.