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- 08-01-2012 #171
My wife left a note on the fridge...
"It's not working! I can't take it anymore; I've gone to stay at my friends!"
I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was still cold...
What the hell is she talking about?!!
- 08-02-2012 #172
- Join Date
- Apr 2009
- I can be found either 40 miles west of Chicago, or in a galaxy far, far away.
- 08-02-2012 #173
My penis is so polite, it stands up so girls have a place to sit.
- 08-04-2012 #174
- 08-04-2012 #175
- 08-24-2012 #176
- 08-24-2012 #177
- 09-02-2012 #178
The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.
The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.
Henry was curious and invited them into his office.
They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.
They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees inside, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.
The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.
The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.
Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.
They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.
And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show –
LO, NORM, HI and MAX -- on the controls.
- 09-04-2012 #179
Joe was unemployed and interviewed for several jobs, but came up empty because of his frustrating stuttering. Still, he plugged on. Today's interview was for a job as a bible salesman.
"Your resume isn't that impressive, but I ant to give you a chance. Here are 10 bibles. If you can sell these today, we'll consider hiring you," the boss says.
About an hour later, Joe returns, all bibles sold. "He he he herrr'es y-y-your m-m-money," he says. "I I I s-s-sold them."
Impressed but skeptical, the boss sends Joe out again with 20 more bibles. By 3 PM Joe had sold them all. "Incredible!" said the bible boss. "You're the best bible salesman we've ever had! You're hired! I must know, what is your secret?"
"S-s-s-simple," says Joe. "I I I I j-j-just kn-n-nock on the d-d-d-dor and when they answer I introd-d-d-duce m-m-m-myself and ask them, 'I'm s-s-selling these b-b-b-bib-b-bles here. D-d-do you w-w-w-want to b-b-buy one or d-do you w-w-want me t-to r-r-r-read it t-t-to you?' "
- 09-05-2012 #180
Birthdays are good for your health.
Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live longer.
Last edited by Lazydog; 09-05-2012 at 11:43 AM.