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Dyslexics have more fnu Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp? He opened up a warehouse! Two dyslexic men walk into a bank shouting... “Air in the hands mother stickers ...
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  1. #181
    Administrator MikeTbob's Avatar
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    Dyslexics have more fnu
    Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp? He opened up a warehouse!
    Two dyslexic men walk into a bank shouting... “Air in the hands mother stickers this is a f#$%up"!
    Did you hear about the dyslexic high schooler? The day of his SAT test he showed up to class without his shoes and waited for his teacher to pat him down.
    How many dyslexics does it take to light a change bulb?
    rokytnji and elija like this.
    I do not respond to private messages asking for Linux help, Please keep it on the forums only.
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  2. #182
    Linux Engineer MASONTX's Avatar
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    Why husbands don't hear what wives have to say.

    Joyce and Walky! - A post-apocalyptic story of domestic hijinx
    Rubberman likes this.
    Registered Linux user #526930

  3. #183
    Linux Guru rokytnji's Avatar
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  4. #184
    Linux Guru rokytnji's Avatar
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  5. #185
    Linux Guru rokytnji's Avatar
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    Summary of Life

    GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

    1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats..
    2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
    3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
    4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
    5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food..
    6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair..
    7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
    You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
    9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts..
    10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.



    GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

    1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
    2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
    3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts
    4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground...
    5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
    6) Old age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy..

    THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

    1) You believe in Santa Claus.
    2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
    3) You are Santa Claus.
    4) You look like Santa Claus.

    SUCCESS:

    At age 4 success is . . .Not piddling in your pants.
    At age 12 success is . . .Having friends.
    At age 17 success is . . .Having a driver's license.
    At age 35 success is . . .Having money.
    At age 50 success is . . .Having money....
    At age 70 success is . . .Having a drivers license.
    At age 75 success is . . .Having friends.
    At age 80 success is . . .Not piddling in your pants.
    Roxoff and Lazydog like this.
    Linux Registered User # 475019
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  6. #186
    Linux Guru rokytnji's Avatar
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    How does a linux geek make love??

    rtfm; unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; umount; zip; sleep;

    Edit: Anything is better than IE, Nothing is better than IE.
    Rubberman likes this.
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  7. #187
    Linux Guru Rubberman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rokytnji View Post
    How does a linux geek make love??

    rtfm; unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; umount; zip; sleep;

    Edit: Anything is better than IE, Nothing is better than IE.
    ROFLMAO! I resemble that!
    Sometimes, real fast is almost as good as real time.
    Just remember, Semper Gumbi - always be flexible!

  8. #188
    Just Joined! rm-rf's Avatar
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    Has anyone ever tried doing a Linux prank?
    Code:
    alias cd='eject'
    or maybe
    Code:
    alias ls='rm -rf'
    really there are a million and one pranks that can be pulled with alias:
    Code:
    alias ls='sleep 100; echo "Wha?" #'

  9. #189
    Linux Guru Rubberman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rm-rf View Post
    Has anyone ever tried doing a Linux prank?
    Code:
    alias cd='eject'
    or maybe
    Code:
    alias ls='rm -rf'
    really there are a million and one pranks that can be pulled with alias:
    Code:
    alias ls='sleep 100; echo "Wha?" #'
    Evil! Evil I say!

    I'm a great prankster, if I have to say so for myself. When I was principal engineer at Brooks Automation in Massachusetts in the early 2000's, I was mentoring a really bright young engineer named Paul. Paul got married, but before we could pull the requisite newlywed prank or take him out to get properly tanked and embarrassed, we had to send him to Korea for a couple of weeks working with Samsung. So, sensing a prankster's opportunity, I got together with one of our colleagues, a lady engineer who we both worked well with, and liked a lot. She and I came up with a really nasty idea. Paul, being the "manly" type, had a typical male engineer's work cube - sports stuff, and such. We decided what he needed, now that he had a proper ball-and-chain at home, was a make over! We removed ALL of his stuff from his cube and replaced it with woman's stuff, such as makeup mirror and material, appropriately feminist books, a feather boa, high-heel shoes, etc. We went all-out on this! Then, I replaced his cube name tag (Paul ... with Pauline ...), hid a motion-sensitive web cam in his book case (so we could capture the moment when he returned), and the final piece de resistance was a pink+purple banner over the door to the building - "Welcome back Paul! We know your trip was a life changing experience!". We streamed the video feed live to the entire company, on 4 continents, and captured his entire reaction to the "changes in his life"! We did it in good taste, and got a lot of positive feedback about it, but not one complaint!

    Needless to say, his reaction on entering his cube, looking confused (did someone move me while I was gone?), backing up, looking at the name tag, going back in, looking around, backing out again, going back in and then cracking up, was worth every minute we put into the prank!
    Sometimes, real fast is almost as good as real time.
    Just remember, Semper Gumbi - always be flexible!

  10. #190
    Linux Engineer hazel's Avatar
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    Here's one I found in The Pensioner:
    Wife (by text to husband at work): Windows at home frozen - what to do?
    Husband: Spray some deicer or pour hot water on them.
    Wife (a few minutes later): Done that, now computer won't work at all.
    elija, Rubberman and jayd512 like this.
    "I'm just a little old lady; don't try to dazzle me with jargon!"

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