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Originally Posted by hazel Here's one I found in The Pensioner: Wife (by text to husband at work): Windows at home frozen - what to do? Husband: Spray some deicer ...
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  1. #191
    Linux Guru Rubberman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hazel View Post
    Here's one I found in The Pensioner:
    Wife (by text to husband at work): Windows at home frozen - what to do?
    Husband: Spray some deicer or pour hot water on them.
    Wife (a few minutes later): Done that, now computer won't work at all.
    That goes along with the old saw "Dear, it keeps saying "Press Anykey to Continue", but I can't find the Anykey!"...
    Sometimes, real fast is almost as good as real time.
    Just remember, Semper Gumbi - always be flexible!

  2. #192
    Administrator jayd512's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hazel View Post
    Here's one I found in The Pensioner:
    Wife (by text to husband at work): Windows at home frozen - what to do?
    Husband: Spray some deicer or pour hot water on them.
    Wife (a few minutes later): Done that, now computer won't work at all.
    I used to do call-center support. I had a guy call up one time, apologizing that his computer was so slow...
    I asked what happened. He told me that he was cleaning the dust out of his fans and vents... but instead of compressed air, he used carburetor cleaner!
    After he put the fire out, his computer slowed down.
    Jay

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  3. #193
    Linux Guru Rubberman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jayd512 View Post
    I used to do call-center support. I had a guy call up one time, apologizing that his computer was so slow...
    I asked what happened. He told me that he was cleaning the dust out of his fans and vents... but instead of compressed air, he used carburetor cleaner!
    After he put the fire out, his computer slowed down.
    Did you ask what he put the fire out with?
    Sometimes, real fast is almost as good as real time.
    Just remember, Semper Gumbi - always be flexible!

  4. $spacer_open
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  5. #194
    Administrator jayd512's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rubberman View Post
    Did you ask what he put the fire out with?
    No... I was to busy being amazed that the darn thing still worked!

    <snippet of conversation>
    me: And what have we learned?
    caller: Don't work on your computer with stuff you buy at AutoZone.
    Jay

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  6. #195
    Linux Engineer nujinini's Avatar
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    Men Are Just Happier People
    What do you expect from such simple creatures?

    Your last name stays put.
    The garage is all yours.
    Wedding plans take care of themselves.
    Chocolate is just another snack...
    You can be President.
    You can never be pregnant.
    You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
    You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
    Car mechanics tell you the truth.
    The world is your urinal.
    You never have to drive to another gas station restroom
    because this one is just too icky.
    You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
    Same work, more pay.
    Wrinkles add character.
    Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
    People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
    New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
    One mood all the time.
    Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
    You know stuff about tanks.
    A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
    You can open all your own jars.
    You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
    If someone forgets to invite you,
    He or she can still be your friend.
    Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
    Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..
    You almost never have strap problems in public.
    You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
    Everything on your face stays its original color.
    The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
    You only have to shave your face and neck.
    You can play with toys all your life.
    One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons
    You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
    You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
    You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
    You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
    On December 24 in 25 minutes.
    ___________________________________

    Men Are Just Happier People




    NICKNAMES
    If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other
    Laura, Kate and Sarah.
    If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer
    to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman

    EATING OUT
    When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20,
    even though it's only for $32.50.
    None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
    When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

    MONEY
    A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
    A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

    BATHROOMS
    A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste,
    shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
    The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 33.
    A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

    ARGUMENTS
    A woman has the last word in any argument.
    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

    FUTURE
    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


    MARRIAGE
    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
    A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

    DRESSING UP
    A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash,
    answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
    A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

    NATURAL
    Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
    Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

    OFFSPRING
    Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.
    She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends,
    favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
    A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


    THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
    A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!


    SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor
    and can handle it...and to the men who will enjoy reading it.
    jayd512 and MikeTbob like this.
    nujinini
    Linux User #489667

  7. #196
    Linux Guru Rubberman's Avatar
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    Let's go bowling!

    CLEVELAND (AP) - An Ohio man is thankful for the intervention of a Good Samaritan - the same one who helped him once before, eight years ago.

    Gerald Gronowski had a flat tire east of Cleveland recently when a man named Christopher Manacci stopped to help. During the encounter, Gronowski began talking about another stranger eight years before who had helped him pull out a hook that got stuck in his hand while he was fishing.

    They then figured out that Manacci was that same man. He had been kayaking nearby.

    Gronowski tells The (Cleveland) Plain Dealer that he feels it's now his job to help someone else.

    He also offered to take Manacci fishing, but Manacci says that considering the bad luck Gronowski has had fishing, they should go bowling instead.
    Sometimes, real fast is almost as good as real time.
    Just remember, Semper Gumbi - always be flexible!

  8. #197
    Administrator jayd512's Avatar
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    I may have posted his before... but even if it's a repeat, it bears repeating!
    208925_2976410669091_1045229281_n.jpg

    And yes... I know the relation!
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    Jay

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  9. #198
    Administrator jayd512's Avatar
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    Sorry, guys... went web-crawling and found a few good ones. Ya ready?
    jenga.jpg
    Last edited by jayd512; 01-10-2013 at 06:39 AM.
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    Jay

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  10. #199
    Administrator MikeTbob's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jayd512 View Post
    Sorry, guys... went web-crawling and found a few good ones. Ya ready?
    Those are great. I loved the 1 for 2 quiche.

    Couple of my own.
    irish-vader.jpg
    retired.jpg
    Nope.jpg
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    All new users please read this.** Forum FAQS. ** Adopt an unanswered post.

    I'd rather be lost at the lake than found at home.

  11. #200
    Administrator jayd512's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MikeTbob View Post
    Those are great. I loved the 1 for 2 quiche.
    First off... I've seen things like that happen.
    Quote:
    Tide Detergent: 2 for $10
    Regular: $3.99
    The store couldn't keep it on the shelf!

    Second... <lol>
    Love the Bat-Man!
    Jay

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