Jokes/Funny Stuff thread 2012

[rokytnji]

Doctor Ruth Letter

post-199-0-38581000-1327545168.jpg

[cousinlucky]

Another Winner, Roky!!

[cousinlucky]

when I got home today I found this is an email from a Boston woman that I know!

MY PRIVATE PART DIED

An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.

One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.
Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong.
'Yes, Nurse Tracy,' said Mr. Wallace.
'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'
Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a
little crazy, she replied,
'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace.
Please accept my condolences.'
The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall
with his Private Part hanging out of his pajamas.
He met Nurse Tracy.
'Mr. Wallace,' she said, 'You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that.
Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.'
'But, Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr. Wallace. 'I told you
yesterday that my Private Part died.'
'Yes,' said Nurse Tracy, 'you did tell me that, but why is it
hanging out of your pajamas?'

(You've gotta love this.)
'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'

[atreyu]

Doctor Ruth Letter

post-199-0-38581000-1327545168.jpg

um...that's hilarious!

[MikeTbob]

Bubba's sister is pregnant and is in a bad car accident, which caused
her to fall into a deep coma. After nearly six months, she awakens and
sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor
about her baby.
The doctor replies, " Ma'am, you had twins - a boy and a girl. The
babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them." The woman thinks
to herself, "Oh, no! Not Bubba; he's an idiot!"

Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's
name?"
"Denise," the doctor answers. The new mother thinks, "Wow! That's a
beautiful name! I guess I was wrong about my brother. I really like the
name Denise."

Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"

The doctor replies, "Denephew."

[Rubberman]

Mike, that is just great! Assuming you have something against rednecks...

[nujinini]

Doctor Ruth Letter

post-199-0-38581000-1327545168.jpg

Hilarious!!!

[MASONTX]

A man came home from a day at the golf course and collapsed in his chair exhausted. His wife asked him "Tough day at the course?"
"Yes" he replied, "Fred and I were on the 1st green when Fred suddenly grabbed his chest and fell over dead from a heart attack."
"That's terrible", the wife exclaimed "You and Fred have been golf partners for 30 years."
"It was really tough on me." the man sighed, "For 17 holes I had to hit the ball, drag Fred, hit ball, drag Fred."

[cousinlucky]

Not allowed to smoke inside, Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: Now what the hell is that ?

Jane: That ? It's a condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Arlene: And where did you get that thing ?

Jane: Oh ! That ? You can get them at any pharmacy.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is , after all, over 80 years of age !!), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'

The pharmacist fainted.

[rokytnji]