Jokes/Funny Stuff thread 2012

[Rubberman]

The evolution of authority

Roky, there is one missing at the end - the GREAT BIG T-REX footprint from Jurassic Park!

[jayd512]

I use su - to do my system updates. And when I login to root I get a fortune... sometimes they are pretty good knee-slappers.

It's grad exam time...
MEDICINE
You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a
bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has
been inspected. (You have 15 minutes.)

HISTORY
Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present
day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political,
economic, religious and philisophical impact upon Europe, Asia, America, and
Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific.

BIOLOGY
Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture
if this form of life had been created 500 million years ago or earlier, with
special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system.

[jayd512]

And another... which I might append to my sig.

The UNIX philosophy basically involves giving you enough rope to
hang yourself.  And then a couple of feet more, just to be sure.

[Rubberman]

And another... which I might append to my sig.

The UNIX philosophy basically involves giving you enough rope to
hang yourself.  And then a couple of feet more, just to be sure.

I think I'll add to mine:

# cd /
# # Now, do a bunch of stuff, forgetting you are at /
# rm -rf *

Trust me, I've done this before, and immediately input ^C and then gave myself a great, big Homer dope slap ... Doh! And after a night of backing up remaining data, re-installing OS, updating OS, restoring data, hoping that I got all the important bits (or that no one else would notice), reboot the system... THEN I would reach for the bottle of Scotch under the desk.

[Rubberman]

I think I'll add to mine:

# cd /
# # Now, do a bunch of stuff, forgetting you are at /
# rm -rf *

Trust me, I've done this before, and immediately input ^C and then gave myself a great, big Homer dope slap ... Doh! And after a night of backing up remaining data, re-installing OS, updating OS, restoring data, hoping that I got all the important bits (or that no one else would notice), reboot the system... THEN I would reach for the bottle of Scotch under the desk.

The fortunate thing about this, is that I have ONLY done it to my own systems...

[rokytnji]

Why Some Men Have a Dog And No Wife

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk..

7. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

8. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

9. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

10. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

11. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

And last, but not least:

12. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

To test this theory:
Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour. Then open it and see who's happy to see you.

This one below got a grin out of my wife.

A Woman's Poem
Unknown

He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake,
He said my biscuits were too hard
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and
smacked the sh** out of him...

Like his mother used to do.

[MASONTX]

A wife will give you a look like, "I can't believe you're going to eat that. It's disgusting!" Your dog will give you a look like, "Save me some please!"

[Rubberman]

Well, after 38 years, my wife has me well trained - I cook dinner and do the dishes (about 5 nights a week) - she does laundry (1 night a week, if we are lucky). If she wants to go out, we go out. If I want to go out... Last week she wondering why she married me, when I reminded her that SHE asked ME! WHAT WAS I THINKING?!

FWIW, I am a WAY better cook than she is!

[cousinlucky]

A Woman's Poem
Unknown

He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake,
He said my biscuits were too hard
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and
smacked the sh** out of him...

Like his mother used to do.

[rokytnji]

Smokeys great grandpa

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