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I tried to catch some Fog, I mist. When chemists die, they barium. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is ...
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  1. #101
    Linux Guru rokytnji's Avatar
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    Smile Punography


    I tried to catch some Fog, I mist.

    When chemists die, they barium.

    Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

    A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

    I know a guy whoís addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.

    How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

    I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

    This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but Iíd never met herbivore.

    Iím reading a book about anti-gravity, I canít put it down.

    I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

    They told me I had Type A blood, but it was a Type O.

    A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

    PMS jokes arenít funny. Period.

    Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

    Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope thereís no pop quiz.

    Energizer Bunny arrested: Charged with battery.

    I didnít like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

    How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!

    What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

    When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

    What does a clock do when itís still hungry? It goes back four seconds.

    I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

    Broken pencils are pointless.
    Peter D likes this.
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  2. #102
    Administrator jayd512's Avatar
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    hyuck hyuck....
    Jay

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  3. #103
    Linux Enthusiast cousinlucky's Avatar
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    Thanks Again Roky!!
    PCLinuxOS Gnome and PCLinuxOS Mate
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    You Should Not Give In To Evils, But Proceed Ever More Boldly Against Them!! -from book six of Virgil's Aeneid
    Everything Within The Universe Is Related; We Are All Cousins!!

  4. #104
    Administrator MikeTbob's Avatar
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    Yeehhaw

    Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
    Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
    After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?'
    The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
    The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
    The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
    The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'
    rokytnji and jayd512 like this.
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  5. #105
    Linux Enthusiast cousinlucky's Avatar
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    Thanks Mike!!
    PCLinuxOS Gnome and PCLinuxOS Mate
    Linux user # 414321
    You Should Not Give In To Evils, But Proceed Ever More Boldly Against Them!! -from book six of Virgil's Aeneid
    Everything Within The Universe Is Related; We Are All Cousins!!

  6. #106
    Linux Guru rokytnji's Avatar
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    Adams Rib

    Attachment 5175
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  7. #107
    Linux Guru rokytnji's Avatar
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    ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA...... FLOOR. FIVE TEQUILA SIX TEQUILA.....GET YOUR ASS KICKED.

    ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

    IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

    THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

    I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

    WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

    IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

    IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

    IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

    WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

    WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

    IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

    WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

    WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL BREAK-IN AND CLEAN THEM?

    IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

    CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

    IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

    WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

    HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

    WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

    ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

    DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID HAVE AN ALGEBRA?
    (This one may require you to think)

    DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

    .HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

    IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

    IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

    IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

    WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

    WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?

    WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T GET A LICENSE TO SHOOT AT THEM?

    WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

    IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?

    CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

    WHY DO SHOPS HAVE SIGNS, 'GUIDE DOGS ONLY', THE DOGS CAN'T READ AND THEIR OWNERS ARE BLIND?
    Linux Registered User # 475019
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  8. #108
    Administrator jayd512's Avatar
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    LOL!
    Okay... those were some good ones!
    Jay

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    I do not respond to private messages asking for Linux help. Please keep it on the public boards.

  9. #109
    Linux Guru rokytnji's Avatar
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    Hard Drive Crash!

    No Problem! Just call the NSA for a back up of ALL YOUR FILES.

    Just call 1-800-I-GOT-YOUR-STUFF

    It's only $99.00---------$199.00 for Republicans (and don't try to fool us. We know who you are)

    Offer Void where prohibited by Law ,( But we don't really care about that).
    Linux Registered User # 475019
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  10. #110
    Linux Enthusiast cousinlucky's Avatar
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    Thanks, Roky!!
    PCLinuxOS Gnome and PCLinuxOS Mate
    Linux user # 414321
    You Should Not Give In To Evils, But Proceed Ever More Boldly Against Them!! -from book six of Virgil's Aeneid
    Everything Within The Universe Is Related; We Are All Cousins!!

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