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A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who ...
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  1. #141
    Linux Guru rokytnji's Avatar
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    A farmer had 5 female pigs.

    Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them.

    At the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs.
    After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.

    The farmers lived sixty miles apart, so they agreed to drive thirty miles each and find a
    field in which to let the pigs mate.

    The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M., loaded the pigs into
    the family station wagon (which was the only vehicle he had), and drove the thirty miles.

    While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are
    pregnant?"

    The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass tomorrow morning, they're
    pregnant. If they're in the mud, they're not."

    The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud, so he hosed them off, loaded them
    into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again.

    This continued each morning for more than a week, and both farmers were worn out.

    The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed.

    He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in
    the mud or in the grass."

    "Neither," yelled his wife. "They're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the
    horn."
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  2. #142
    Linux Guru rokytnji's Avatar
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    Attachment 5305

    Not your everyday Mom or GrandMa..

    Just goes to show. Times never change.

    Attachment 5306
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  3. #143
    Linux Newbie slw210's Avatar
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    Two Blondes were sipping there Starbuck's when a truck went by loaded with rolls of sod.

    Blonde #1: I'm going to do that when I win the lottery.

    Blonde #2: Do what?

    Blonde #1: Send my lawn out to be mowed.

  4. #144
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    Quote Originally Posted by rokytnji View Post

    Not your everyday Mom or GrandMa..
    Granny_Finger3.jpg
    I think the one in purple must be the leader of this particular chapter of Hell's Grannies, she's really flipping it with gusto!

  5. #145
    Administrator jayd512's Avatar
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    Ya know what...? I bet everyone of those Grannys could bake a pie that would set any one of us down at a table.
    ...................
    I love 'em!
    Jay

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  6. #146
    Linux Guru rokytnji's Avatar
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    Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

    We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to
    walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

    A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

    A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

    Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.

    This Lady could put some of those grandmas to shame. My jokes were stolen from her.
    Last edited by rokytnji; 09-30-2013 at 01:28 PM.
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  7. #147
    Linux Newbie slw210's Avatar
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    We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to
    walk and talk and the next twenty+ telling them to sit down and shut up.

  8. #148
    Linux Newbie slw210's Avatar
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    TWO TREES

    Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.

    A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

    The birch says he cannot tell.

    Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

    The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert.
    Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

    The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree.
    He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."
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  9. #149
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    Quote Originally Posted by slw210 View Post
    TWO TREES
    that one is going straight into the Joke BookTM.

  10. #150
    Penguin of trust elija's Avatar
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    While it couldn't really be more English, there is a warning. Quite a lot of swearing in this one. Same guy, less swearing.
    Roxoff likes this.
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