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How many skin divers does it take to circumcise a sperm whale? 4 skin divers (Foreskin divers) ok yeah, lame I know...
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  1. #151
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    How many skin divers does it take to circumcise a sperm whale?


    4 skin divers (Foreskin divers)

    ok yeah, lame I know
    rokytnji likes this.

  2. #152
    Linux Newbie slw210's Avatar
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    Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 M.P.H. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts. The driver obviously confused said, "Officer, I don't understand, I wasn't doing over the speed limit!, What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer said, "you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous". "Slower than the speed limit? NO SIR! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said proudly. The officer containing a chuckle explains that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned, thanking the officer for pointing out her error. "Before I go Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone OK? These women seem badly shaken and haven't uttered a word all this time" "Oh! they will be alright in a minute, Officer, we just got off Route 142."
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  3. #153
    Linux Guru rokytnji's Avatar
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    I am so friggin glad I don't punch a timeclock or work for some ingrate.
    Some real evaluation quotations, writeups.

    1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached
    rock-bottom and has started to dig."

    2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

    3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been,
    but more of a definite won't be."

    4. "Works well when under constant supervision and
    cornered like a rat in a trap."

    5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only
    to change feet."

    6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy ."

    7. "He sets low personal standards and then
    consistently fails to achieve them."

    8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of
    an idiot."

    9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he
    starts, the better."

    10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to
    hold it all together." >note by rok, not too sharp yourself.

    11. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an
    ordinary ignoramus."

    12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

    15. "He's been working with glue too much."

    16. "He would argue with a signpost."

    17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

    18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

    19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored,
    he's the other one."

    20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover
    glued on."

    21 . "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

    22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done
    using it."

    23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the
    train isn't coming."

    24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other
    is out looking for it."

    25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be
    watered twice a week."

    26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get
    change."

    27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the
    ocean."

    28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other
    sperm."

    29. "One neuron short of a synapse."

    30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he
    only gargled."

    31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."

    32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

    Though I have worked with folks that are really that bad.
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  4. #154
    Administrator MikeTbob's Avatar
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    A doctor from France says:"In France , the medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles; we put them into another man, and in 6 weeks he is looking for work."

    A German doctor comments quietly : "That's nothing, in Germany we take part of the brain out of a person; we put it into another person head, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."

    A Russian doctor says boasting :"That's nothing either. In Russia we take out half of the heart from a person; we put it into another person's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."

    The U.S. doctor laughs and answers loudly immediately: "That's nothing my colleagues, you are way behind us....in the USA , about 5 years ago, we grabbed a person from Kenya with no brains, no heart, and no balls....we made him President of the United States, and now....... the whole damn country is looking for work.
    slw210 likes this.
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  5. #155
    Linux Enthusiast cousinlucky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MikeTbob View Post
    A doctor from France says:"In France , the medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles; we put them into another man, and in 6 weeks he is looking for work."

    A German doctor comments quietly : "That's nothing, in Germany we take part of the brain out of a person; we put it into another person head, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."

    A Russian doctor says boasting :"That's nothing either. In Russia we take out half of the heart from a person; we put it into another person's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."

    The U.S. doctor laughs and answers loudly immediately: "That's nothing my colleagues, you are way behind us....in the USA , about 5 years ago, we grabbed a person from Kenya with no brains, no heart, and no balls....we made him President of the United States, and now....... the whole damn country is looking for work.
    Isn't that hitting below the belt??
    PCLinuxOS Gnome and PCLinuxOS Mate
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  6. #156
    Administrator jayd512's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MikeTbob View Post
    A doctor from France says:"In France , the medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles; we put them into another man, and in 6 weeks he is looking for work."

    A German doctor comments quietly : "That's nothing, in Germany we take part of the brain out of a person; we put it into another person head, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."

    A Russian doctor says boasting :"That's nothing either. In Russia we take out half of the heart from a person; we put it into another person's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."

    The U.S. doctor laughs and answers loudly immediately: "That's nothing my colleagues, you are way behind us....in the USA , about 5 years ago, we grabbed a person from Kenya with no brains, no heart, and no balls....we made him President of the United States, and now....... the whole damn country is looking for work.

    <Drops the 10-foot pole before touching this one...>



    <comes back to wipe the pole for prints...>
    Hildr and MikeTbob like this.
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  7. #157
    Linux Guru rokytnji's Avatar
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    I never drink and drive.

    I prefer to eat mushrooms and teleport instead.

    RedBull gives me wings.

    Tequila gives me 4x4's
    Last edited by rokytnji; 11-06-2013 at 03:48 AM.
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  8. #158
    Linux Guru rokytnji's Avatar
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    Shucks, I got a call from a bro who just got kicked to the curb by his wife.
    He is now homeless and asking if he could crash in the shop.
    I asked what happened.

    "Well, I got home home from work. The Ol Lady told me. Get some pills
    that will give me a erection. I went to the drug store and got some
    diet pills and came home and handed them to her."

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  9. #159
    Linux Guru rokytnji's Avatar
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    slw210 likes this.
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  10. #160
    Linux Enthusiast cousinlucky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rokytnji View Post
    That was side-splitting funny, Roky!! Thanks!!
    PCLinuxOS Gnome and PCLinuxOS Mate
    Linux user # 414321
    You Should Not Give In To Evils, But Proceed Ever More Boldly Against Them!! -from book six of Virgil's Aeneid
    Everything Within The Universe Is Related; We Are All Cousins!!

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