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- 10-06-2013 #151
- Join Date
- Oct 2013
How many skin divers does it take to circumcise a sperm whale?
4 skin divers (Foreskin divers)
ok yeah, lame I know
- 10-07-2013 #152
Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 M.P.H. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts. The driver obviously confused said, "Officer, I don't understand, I wasn't doing over the speed limit!, What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer said, "you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous". "Slower than the speed limit? NO SIR! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said proudly. The officer containing a chuckle explains that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned, thanking the officer for pointing out her error. "Before I go Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone OK? These women seem badly shaken and haven't uttered a word all this time" "Oh! they will be alright in a minute, Officer, we just got off Route 142."
- 10-31-2013 #153
I am so friggin glad I don't punch a timeclock or work for some ingrate.
Some real evaluation quotations, writeups.
1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached
rock-bottom and has started to dig."
2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been,
but more of a definite won't be."
4. "Works well when under constant supervision and
cornered like a rat in a trap."
5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only
to change feet."
6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy ."
7. "He sets low personal standards and then
consistently fails to achieve them."
8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of
9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he
starts, the better."
10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to
hold it all together." >note by rok, not too sharp yourself.
11. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an
12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
15. "He's been working with glue too much."
16. "He would argue with a signpost."
17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored,
he's the other one."
20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover
21 . "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done
23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the
train isn't coming."
24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other
is out looking for it."
25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be
watered twice a week."
26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get
27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the
28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other
29. "One neuron short of a synapse."
30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he
31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."
32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
Though I have worked with folks that are really that bad.
- 11-01-2013 #154
A doctor from France says:"In France , the medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles; we put them into another man, and in 6 weeks he is looking for work."
A German doctor comments quietly : "That's nothing, in Germany we take part of the brain out of a person; we put it into another person head, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."
A Russian doctor says boasting :"That's nothing either. In Russia we take out half of the heart from a person; we put it into another person's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."
The U.S. doctor laughs and answers loudly immediately: "That's nothing my colleagues, you are way behind us....in the USA , about 5 years ago, we grabbed a person from Kenya with no brains, no heart, and no balls....we made him President of the United States, and now....... the whole damn country is looking for work.
- 11-01-2013 #155
- 11-03-2013 #156
- 11-06-2013 #157
I never drink and drive.
I prefer to eat mushrooms and teleport instead.
RedBull gives me wings.
Tequila gives me 4x4's
- 11-08-2013 #158
Shucks, I got a call from a bro who just got kicked to the curb by his wife.
He is now homeless and asking if he could crash in the shop.
I asked what happened.
"Well, I got home home from work. The Ol Lady told me. Get some pills
that will give me a erection. I went to the drug store and got some
diet pills and came home and handed them to her."
- 1 Week Ago #159
- 1 Week Ago #160AntiX 12 and PCLinuxOS gnome
Linux user # 414321
You Should Not Give In To Evils, But Proceed Ever More Boldly Against Them!! -from book six of Virgil's Aeneid
Everything Within The Universe Is Related; We Are All Cousins!!