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The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But ...
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  1. #31
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    The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what caliber the bullet was that killed the animal. The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and so the bet was on.

    They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced 'Bear.' Then he felt the bullet hole and declared, 'Shot with a .308 rifle.' He was right.

    They brought him another skin, one that someone had in their car trunk. He took a bit longer this time and then said, 'Elk, shot with a 7mm Mag rifle.' He was right again.

    Through the night, he proved his skills again and again, every time against a round of drinks. Finally he staggered home drunk out of his mind and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner.

    He said to his wife, 'I know I was drunk last night, but I think I'd remember a brawl. Where did I get this black eye?'

    His wife angrily replied, I gave it to you. You got into bed and put your hand down my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly announced, 'Skunk, killed with an axe.'
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  2. #32
    Administrator jayd512's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by retired1af View Post
    The sex between the girlfriend and me had been a bit unsatisfying of late, so she told me, "Go to the pharmacy and get some of those pills that will help you to get an erection."

    You can imagine her reaction when I came back from the drug store and tossed her the diet pills!

    ......almost got me killed!

    Wow...
    The man that tries that has got to be the ballsiest dude ever born. Ever.
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  3. #33
    Linux Guru rokytnji's Avatar
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    What do you call nine windows or mac users standing in a straight line?

    A wind tunnel.

    How do you make a windows or mac user eyes sparkle?

    Shine a flashlight in their ear.

    Why are windows or mac users not allowed to take coffee breaks?

    It takes too long to retrain them.

    Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish.
    The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home.
    The second guy wishes the same.

    The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
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  4. #34
    Linux Guru rokytnji's Avatar
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    Microsoft – Designed with Us in mind.

    Apple – Designed…never you mind.

    Linux – Designed by you and your mind.
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  5. #35
    Linux Guru rokytnji's Avatar
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    A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one child. "No," said another. "He's just for good luck. A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."
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    Quote Originally Posted by rokytnji View Post
    Microsoft – Designed with Us in mind.

    Apple – Designed…never you mind.

    Linux – Designed by you and your mind.
    I prefer this one.

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  7. #37
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    No explanation required.

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  8. #38
    Penguin of trust elija's Avatar
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    The World should be more like this zoo
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    What do we want?
    Time machines!

    When do we want 'em?
    Doesn't really matter does it!?


    The Fifth Continent

  9. #39
    Linux Guru rokytnji's Avatar
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    A guy gets up really early in the morning to go ice fishing.

    He goes out onto the ice with his tent, his pick and his fishing rod, and starts to pick at the ice.
    Then he hears a big booming voice: "THERE'S NO FISH UNDER THE ICE"

    The guy looks around and then starts to pick at the ice again.

    Then he hears the voice again: "THERE'S NO FISH UNDER THE ICE"
    Now the guy is getting a little edgy. He looks up, "God, is that you?"

    There is no answer, so he starts picking again. "THERE'S NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!"
    Then the guy yells "God! is that you?"

    "NO, IT'S THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK!!"
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  10. #40
    Administrator jayd512's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by elija View Post
    The World should be more like this zoo
    Love it! That's just great!
    Jay

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