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Thats me getting the TV and DVD Player going for my wife tonight....
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  1. #41
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    Thats me getting the TV and DVD Player going for my wife tonight.

  2. #42
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    I got mad at one of our cats for shredding the new lazy boy recliner and decided to get rid of him by driving the animal 20 blocks from the house and leaving him at the park. As I arrived home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

    The next day I decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. I put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up my driveway, there was the cat!

    I kept taking the cat farther and farther, even out to the desert, and the cat would always beat my sorry self home. At last I decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until I reached what I thought was a safe distance from my place and left the cat there.

    So later on, I call home to my wife: "Honey, is the cat there?"

    "Yes", my ol'lady answers, "why do you ask"?
    Pissed, I say , "Put him on the phone, I'm lost and need directions."
    MikeTbob, elija and Clayman1000x like this.

  3. #43
    Administrator jayd512's Avatar
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    Sounds like that guy knows my friends cat.
    Cookie was seen all around Louisville, and always came home.
    Jay

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  5. #44
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    I had a scare today. I started puking for what I thought was no reason and I thought I caught the flu bug going around this year.

    It was only later that I realized I did not have the flu bug. What was making me sick was the price of gas, since I was puking
    while filling my bike at the gas station.

  6. #45
    Linux Engineer MASONTX's Avatar
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    Rocky you're lucky. Your bike doesn't take that much to fill. My wife drives a Suburban, and when I fill that up I have a heart attack.
    Clayman1000x likes this.
    Registered Linux user #526930

  7. #46
    Linux Enthusiast cousinlucky's Avatar
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    When gas costs $50.00 a gallon a lot of people will be getting sick!!
    PCLinuxOS Gnome and PCLinuxOS Mate
    Linux user # 414321
    You Should Not Give In To Evils, But Proceed Ever More Boldly Against Them!! -from book six of Virgil's Aeneid
    Everything Within The Universe Is Related; We Are All Cousins!!

  8. #47
    Linux Engineer MASONTX's Avatar
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    I'm old enough to remember when gas was 19 cents a gallon, and if a gas war was going on you could get it for 17 cents. Not only that, they checked the air, oil, etc. and washed your windshield for you.
    Registered Linux user #526930

  9. #48
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    You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where...

    1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
    2. You've experienced condensation on your a** from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
    3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
    4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
    5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
    6. The 4 seasons are tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

    OR

    You can retire to California where...

    1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
    2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
    3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
    4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
    5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
    6. The 4 seasons are Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

    OR

    You can retire to New York City where...

    1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
    2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
    3. You think Central Park is "nature."
    4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
    5. You've worn out a car horn. (Ed. Note: if you have a car).
    6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

    OR

    You can retire to Minnesota where...

    1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
    2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
    3. You have more than one recipe for casserole. (another Ed. Note: it is called "hot dish")
    4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
    5. The four seasons are winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

    OR

    You can retire to the Deep South where...

    1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
    2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
    3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
    4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob,
    Mary Ellen, Betty Jean, Linda Beth, etc..
    5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder."
    It's important to know the difference, too.

    OR

    You can retire to Colorado where...

    1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
    2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home
    and he stops at the day care center.
    3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
    4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

    OR

    You can retire to the central Midwest where...

    1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
    2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
    3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
    4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
    5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

    OR

    FINALLY
    You can retire to Florida where...

    1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
    2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
    3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
    4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
    5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

    Guess what. I retired Deep Southwest. Kinda like a cross between California,The Deep South, and Phoenix Ariz .
    jayd512 likes this.

  10. #49
    Administrator jayd512's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rokytnji View Post
    You can retire to the Deep South where...

    1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
    2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
    3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
    4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob,
    Mary Ellen, Betty Jean, Linda Beth, etc..
    5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder."
    It's important to know the difference, too.
    I'm in Louisville, Kentucky.... Every one of those points is completely valid!
    And if y'all don't agree, then all y'all are mistaken!
    Jay

    New users, read this first.
    New Member FAQ
    Registered Linux User #463940
    I do not respond to private messages asking for Linux help. Please keep it on the public boards.

  11. #50
    Linux Enthusiast cousinlucky's Avatar
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    Thanks Again Roky!!
    PCLinuxOS Gnome and PCLinuxOS Mate
    Linux user # 414321
    You Should Not Give In To Evils, But Proceed Ever More Boldly Against Them!! -from book six of Virgil's Aeneid
    Everything Within The Universe Is Related; We Are All Cousins!!

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