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Thanks DocBop - I just installed sl on my system - love the train! I think I may pwn a colleage and have a cron job run it on his ...
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  1. #21
    Linux Guru Rubberman's Avatar
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    Thanks DocBop - I just installed sl on my system - love the train! I think I may pwn a colleage and have a cron job run it on his terminal a couple of times a day!
    Sometimes, real fast is almost as good as real time.
    Just remember, Semper Gumbi - always be flexible!

  2. #22
    Linux Guru Rubberman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rokytnji View Post
    The light turned yellow on this biker bro of mine. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

    The tailgating woman behind my bro was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

    As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious pecos police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.

    He took her to the pecos police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

    After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

    He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him.

    I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk,

    so naturally....I assumed you had stolen the car."

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~

    A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.

    The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked, "why the dog was allowed on the plane?"

    The second man explained, "that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'."

    "His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work."

    The plane took off, and once it has leveled out, the Policeman said, "Watch this."

    He told Sniffer to search.

    Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm.

    The Policeman said, "Good boy," and he turned to the man and said, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land."

    "Gee, that's pretty good," replied the first man.

    Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles.

    The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm. The Policeman said, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police."

    "I like it!" said his seat mate.

    The Policeman then told Sniffer to search again.

    Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to sh** all over the place.

    The first man was really disgusted by this behavior and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that. So he asked the Policeman, "What's going on?"

    The Policeman nervously replied, "He's just found a bomb."
    Roky, you post the best (if a bit twisted) jokes/stories! ROFL!
    Sometimes, real fast is almost as good as real time.
    Just remember, Semper Gumbi - always be flexible!

  3. #23
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    May the Wind at your back not be the result of eating the corned beef cabbage you have for lunch today.

    Have a good St. Patricks Day.

  4. $spacer_open
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  5. #24
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    How to raise baby

    stumble across this one somewhere online this morning...hilarious.

    elija and Lakshmipathi like this.

  6. #25
    Linux Engineer docbop's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by atreyu View Post
    stumble across this one somewhere online this morning...hilarious.

    Be kind he's a baby and only understands "Click and Drool".

  7. #26
    Linux Engineer MASONTX's Avatar
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    A man on his way to work one morning came up to a light that changed to yellow as he approached. Instead of trying to beat it, which he could have, he went ahead and stopped.
    Unfortunately, the woman behind him, who had been tailgating, had to slam on her brakes to avoid rear ending him. In the process, she spilled her coffee on her new dress, and dropped her cell phone, so she got angry. She rolled down her window, extended the one finger salute, leaned on her horn, and shouted every curse word she could think of.
    Just then, an officer came up and told her to get out of the car. He handcuffed her, took her down to the station, and put her in a holding cell. A couple of hours later the officer came back, unlocked the cell, and gave her back her property. As he escorted her out he apologized, and said " I was behind you in traffic, and I noticed the WWJD bumper sticker, the Christian fish symbol on your trunk, and the other bumper sticker to follow you to Sunday School. When you slammed on your brakes, began blowing your horn, and making obscene gestures, I naturally assumed the car had been stolen."
    Registered Linux user #526930

  8. #27
    Super Moderator Roxoff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by atreyu View Post
    stumble across this one somewhere online this morning...hilarious.

    So... why does Dwayne have a kid sat in a house in a walker in the back of his car?
    Linux user #126863 - see http://linuxcounter.net/

  9. #28
    Penguin of trust elija's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Roxoff View Post
    So... why does Dwayne have a kid sat in a house in a walker in the back of his car?
    It's a mobile home?

    (thank you thank you, I'm here all week)
    "I used to be with it, then they changed what it was.
    Now what was it isn't it, and what is it is weird and scary to me.
    It'll happen to you too."

    Grandpa Simpson



    The Fifth Continent

  10. #29
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    The Picture Says It All

    qx22.jpg

    Just watching the world go by.

  11. #30
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    A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore the door off of the driver's side. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.

    Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

    When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

    "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

    "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

    The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

    "Ahhh!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex!"

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