Results 1 to 10 of 84
Enjoy an ad free experience by logging in. Not a member yet? Register.
- 01-07-2014 #1
Jokes and Funny Stuff
- 01-07-2014 #2
These two guys walk into a bar, and they've each got a black eye... The bartender asks the first guy. "What happened to you?"
The first guy responds "I had a slight mishap of words with my wife.. You see, we were getting plane tickets, and the lady behind the terminal was REALLY big breasted and I accidentally said `Two pickets to titsburg please!' and I MEANT to say 'Two tickets to Pittsburgh!' and she hit me.."
The bartender looks at the second guy and asks. "And you?"
The second guy responds "I had a slight mishap of words also.. This morning, while I was eating breakfast, I meant to say 'Please pass the margarine' but instead, I accidentally said `You stupid *****, you ruined my life'..."
- 01-07-2014 #3
I think I'll go to the drugstore today and grab a box of condoms and ask the teller, "where is the fitting room?"
After that. I'll have lunch and tell the waitress, "get me a diet water."
Then. when I pay my bills later with the checkbook. In the memo box where you write what it is for. I'll write, marijuana, heroin, cocaine, peyote.
Whatever strikes my fancy.
Then I'll go home and enable my high tech security system.
I'll put some of my old beat up size 14 work boots outside the door.
Tuck my guns magazine in one of the boots.
Hang out my 6 dog leashes outside next to the boots.
Flip the switch on my high security control center, (a old piece of cardboard thumb tacked to the door)
Hey Billiy Bofo,
Me and the boys went to the store to get beer.
Call me if ya need any extra bullets and we'll git ya some while we are there.
Wait till we get back. Don't go inside.
The dogs got the mailman and are a bit excited.
Not sure if Padurka, Killer, Sasha, Thor, Tuzic or Mamas was the one that took his leg off. so
we took him to the hospital and figured on getting some beer on the way back.
I locked em all up in the house so wait till we get back
Happy Trails, Rok
- 01-28-2014 #4
Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess said, "No!!!"
And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and dated skinny long-legged full-breasted women and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to naked bars and dated ladies half his age and drank whiskey, beer and Captain Morgan and never heard bit**ing and never paid child support or alimony and dated cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and ate spam and potato chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was friggin’ cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.
- 01-28-2014 #5
Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?”
“Yeah,” reply the bytes. “Make us a double.”
- 02-06-2014 #6
Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again asking why I didn't do something useful with my time.
Like riding motorcycles and drinking beer and smoking weed aint useful.
Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation.
She was "only thinking of me" she said, and suggested I go to church and attend bible classes or something.
So I jump on my scooter and hit the kicker and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business.
I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a parachute club.
She replied, "Are you nuts? You are turning 60 years old, and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"
I told her that I even got a membership card and e-mailed a copy to her.
She immediately telephoned me, "Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."
I reply, "Woops. I wondered about all the pretty women there and did not see any chutes. I signed up though for 7 jumps a week though."
The line went quiet, I heard a thud, and her friend picked up the phone and said that my daughter had fainted.
Life as a Biker parent can't be easy. But it sure can be fun.
- 02-06-2014 #7
Top 10 phrases spoken by a Klingon Programmer
1 A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!
2 By filing this bug report you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!
3 You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!
4 Our competitors are without honor!
5 Specifications are for the weak and timid!
6 This machine is GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code!
7 Perhaps it IS a good day to die! I say we ship it!
8 Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!
9 My program has just dumped Stova Core!
10 Behold, the keyboard of Kalis! The greatest Klingon code warrior that ever lived!
- 02-06-2014 #8
Klingon software is not released! It escapes and rampages through the system laying waste to all in it's path!What do we want?
When do we want 'em?
Doesn't really matter does it!?
Conkybots: Interactive plugins for your Conkys!
- 02-16-2014 #9
- 02-16-2014 #10