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Great one, CT. A man walks into a local bar fairly late one evening. None of the regulars at the bar recognize him. He strides up the stairs to the ...
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  1. #11
    Linux Guru sarumont's Avatar
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    Great one, CT.

    A man walks into a local bar fairly late one evening. None of the regulars at the bar recognize him. He strides up the stairs to the 2nd story bar and asks the bartender for his "usual." The bartender pours him a shot from an unmarked bottle, he takes it, runs toward the window and jumps out. All the drunks rush over to the window and look down but he's not to be seen.

    About five minutes later, the man walks in again, unscathed. All of the men gasp. He goes upstairs to the bar and asks for the same thing. He takes his second shot, runs at the window and jumps out. The drunks rush over to the window, but he's not to be seen this time either. They all look at each other and rush back to the bar.

    "We'll have one of those!" they tell the bartender in unison.

    The bartender tells them to hold for a minute while he goes to get another bottle. He goes to the back and dials the police on his phone.

    "You guys better get down here quickly. Superman's playin' with the drunks again."
    "Time is an illusion. Lunchtime, doubly so."
    ~Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

  2. #12
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    The world's smartest man?

    A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together traveling through stormy conditions.

    Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. "There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us," he announced. "Since I'm the pilot, I get one!" After saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.

    "I'm the world's greatest athlete," proclaimed Michael Jordon. "This world needs great athletes, so I must live." Michael Jordon then grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane.

    "I'm the smarest man in the world," bragged Bill Gates. "The world needs smart men, so I must also live!" Bill Gates grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.

    At this point, the Pope began to speak. "I have lived a long life compared to you, and you may take the last parachute. I will go down with the plane."

    "You don't have to stay here! The world's smartest man jumped out of the plane with my backpack."

  3. #13
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    "WOMEN SEEKING MEN" Classifieds translations

    40-ish means: 48

    Adventurer means: Has had more partners than you ever will

    Affectionate means: Possessive

    Humorous means: Caustic

    Intuitive means: Your opinion doesn't count

    In Transition means: Needs new sugar-daddy to pay the bills

    Commitment-minded means: Pick out curtains, now!

    Communication important means: Just try to get a word in edgewise

    Contagious Smile means: Bring your penicillin

  4. $spacer_open
    $spacer_close
  5. #14
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    Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench
    rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.

    Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

    Man: "Hello"

    Woman: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

    Man: "Yes"

    Woman: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.
    It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it, Sweetie?"

    Man: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. I want you to be happy."

    Woman: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2003
    models. I saw one I really liked. It's a beautiful silver."

    Man: "How much?"

    Woman: "$60,000"

    Man: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

    Woman: "Great! Oh, and just one more thing.... the house we wanted last
    year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

    Man: "Wow, then go ahead and make them an offer, but just offer $895,000."

    Woman: "OK. Thank you, Darling - you're wonderful! I'll see you later! I
    love you!"

    Man: "Bye, I love you, too."

    The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him
    in astonishment.

    Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

  6. #15
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    Signs Your Coworker is a Hacker

    Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a 26,000 phone bill.

    They've won the Readers Digest Sweepstake three years running.

    When asked for their phone number, they give it in hex.

    They seem strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.

    They mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeeez!" 295 times during the movie "The Net."

    Their bank account receives a massive 400,000 contribution made in half-penny increments.

    Their video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among turn-ons.

    Instead of the "Welcome" voice on AOL, you overhear, "Good Morning, Mr./Mrs. President."

    You hear them murmur, "Let's see you use that VISA card now."

  7. #16
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    Re: Signs Your Coworker is a Hacker

    Good one

    Quote Originally Posted by CopperTop
    Instead of the "Welcome" voice on AOL, you overhear, "Good Morning, Mr./Mrs. President."
    They would even USE AOL?

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