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A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!" Quite curious about this, he finds ...
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  1. #1
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    Joke of the day...


    A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum and he
    hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen!
    Thirteen!"

    Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in.
    Someone inside pokes him in the eye.

    Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen!
    Fourteen!"

  2. #2
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    That's a good one!

  3. #3
    flw
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    You made me smile after a crappy day so thanks.
    Dan

    \"Keep your friends close and your enemies even closer\" from The Art of War by Sun Tzu\"

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    One day God calls down to Noah and says "Noah, I want you to make me a
    new Ark."

    Noah replies, "No probs God, anything you want after all you're the
    Boss."

    But God interrupts, "Ah, but there's a catch this time Noah, I want
    not just a couple of decks - I want 20 decks one on top of the Other."

    "20 DECKS!" Screams Noah, "Well, OK Big Man, whatever you say.
    Should I fill it up with all the animals just like last time?"

    "Yep, that's right, well ..... sort of right.......this time I want
    you to fill it up with fish," God answers.

    "Fish?" Queries Noah.

    "Yep, fish... well, to make it more specific Noah, I want Carp, wall
    to wall, floor to ceiling - carp!"

    Noah looks to the skies, "OK God, let me get this right, you want a
    New Ark?"

    "Check."

    "With 20 decks, one on top of the other?"

    "Check."

    "And you want it full of Carp?"

    "Check."

    "But why?" Asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly but surely getting
    to the end of his tether.

    "Well," says God, "I just thought it would be nice to have a
    Multi-Storey Carp Ark."

  6. #5
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    From a british perspective:

    "Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator',
    we say 'lift'. They say 'President', we say 'stupid psychopathic
    git'."

    - Alexi Sayle


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    That's a good one, J.
    *peers around*
    (I agree with the British view on that)
    "Time is an illusion. Lunchtime, doubly so."
    ~Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

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    Teacher Arrested in London

    A teacher has been arrested in London in possession
    of compasses, protractor, slide rule, and a straight edge.

    It is claimed that he is a member of the Al-Gebra movement who are known to bear weapons of math instruction.

  9. #8
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    Hehehe



    Jim and Mary were both patients in a mental hospital.

    One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim
    suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed
    there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom
    and pulled Jim out.

    When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he
    immediately ordered that she be discharged from the hospital, as he
    now considered her to be mentally stable.

    When he went to tell Mary the news he said, " Mary, I have good news
    and bad news. The good news is that you're going to be discharged
    because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another
    patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news though, is
    that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt
    in the bathroom. I am very sorry, but he's dead."

    Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."

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    Too Smart For Grade 1

    A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?"

    Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

    Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.

    The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test, and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave.

    She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

    Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
    Harry: "9".

    Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
    Harry: "36".

    And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

    The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can
    go to the 3rd grade."

    Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

    The principal and Harry both agreed.

    Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
    Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

    Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
    Harry replied: "Pockets."

    Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
    Harry: "Pants"

    Ms. Brooks: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?"
    Harry: "Coconut"

    Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer,
    Harry: "Bubble gum"

    Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?" The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.
    Harry: "Shake hands"

    Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means alot of heat and excitement?"
    Harry: "Firetruck"

    The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong."

  11. #10
    flw
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    Gotta like that "firetruck"
    Dan

    \"Keep your friends close and your enemies even closer\" from The Art of War by Sun Tzu\"

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