40 Things you'd like to say out loud at work

[jasonlambert]

1. "I can see your point, but I still think you're full of ****."
2. "I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce."
3. "How about never? Is never good for you?"
4. "I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public."
5. "I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way."
6. "I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter."
7. "I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message."
8. "I don't work here. I'm a consultant."
9. "It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying."
10. "Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again."
11. "I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid."
12. "You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers."
13. "I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn."
14. "I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth."
15. "I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you."
16. "Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view."
17. "The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist."
18. "Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental."
19. "What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?"
20. "I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant."
21. "It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off."
22. "Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial."
23. "And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?"
24. "Do I look like a people person?"
25. "This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting."
26. "I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left."
27. "Sarcasm is just one more service we offer."
28. "If I throw a stick, will you leave?"
29. "Errors have been made. Others will be blamed."
30. "Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed."
31. "I'm trying to imagine you with a personality."
32. "A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door."
33. "Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?"
34. "Too many freaks, not enough circuses."
35. "Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?"
36. "Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done."
37. "How do I set a laser printer to stun?"
38. "I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a salary."
39. "Who lit the fuse on your tampon?"
40. "Oh I get it... like humour... but different!"

[gstuartj]

[jeremy1701]

20. "I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant."

Haha!! That's the best!
Jeremy

[Vergil83]

my favorite is

4. "I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public."

although, i always like
"Gee, thanks for talking to me. I always need another reason to commit suicude "

[UgoDeschamps]

6. "I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter."
8. "I don't work here. I'm a consultant."
35. "Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?"

those are the best specially number 35.... damn some people just over-exagerate on it... my roommate doest... when he goes out, he doesnt have to tell me, I can smell it....

[loft306]

36. "Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done."

that is all that needs be said

[zba78]

6. "I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter."
8. "I don't work here. I'm a consultant."
35. "Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?"

those are the best specially number 35.... damn some people just over-exagerate on it... my roommate doest... when he goes out, he doesnt have to tell me, I can smell it....

for your sake I hope you room-mate doesn't read linuxforuns.org

[techieMoe]

This post hit me with particular validity today since I'm having to spend most of it meetings.

[new2linux4now]

"I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way."

that's what i always say!

"I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter."

classic

[sheds]

Some people really should pay attention to this.

Can i add one more?

"You have mistaken me for someone who gives a crap"