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  1. #11


    Bill Gates dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the gates and
    says, "Bill, we don't know what to do with you. Some think you should
    go to Heaven for putting a computer in every home. Others think you
    should go to Hell for Windows 95. Tell you what, we'll leave the
    choice up to you."

    So St. Peter took Bill Gates down to see Hell, which wasn't at all
    what he was expecting. It had some nice cottages, good restaurants, a
    beach and a tropical climate. Then St. Peter took Bill Gates up to
    Heaven. It had angels and harps, but wasn't nearly as nice as Hell.

    "I'll take Hell," Gates said.

    Two weeks later, St. Peter went down to Hell to visit Bill Gates. He
    found him chained to a flaming wall with demons torturing him.

    "This wasn't the Hell I saw!" Bill Gates cried to St. Peter.

    "Oh," Peter said, "That was the Beta version."

  2. #12


    Undocumented windows errors:

    WinErr: 001 Windows loaded - System in danger
    WinErr: 002 No Error - Yet
    WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now
    in every file
    WinErr: 004 Erronious error - Nothing is wrong
    WinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted - System confused
    WinErr: 006 Malicious error - Desqview found on drive
    WinErr: 007 System price error - Inadeqaute money spent
    on hardware
    WinErr: 008 Broken window - Watch out for glass
    WinErr: 009 Horrible bug encountered - God knows what
    has happened
    WinErr: 00A Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full
    WinErr: 00B Inadeqaute disk space - Free at least 50MB
    WinErr: 00C Memory hog error - More Rame needed. More!
    More! More!
    WinErr: 00D Window closed - Do not look outside
    WinErr: 00E Window open - Do not look inside
    WinErr: 00F Unexplained error - Please tell us how this
    WinErr: 010 Reserved for future mistakes by our
    WinErr: 011 Window open - Do not look outside
    WinErr: 012 Window closed - Do not look inside
    WinErr: 013 Unexpected error - Huh ?
    WinErr: 014 Keyboard locked - Try anything you can think
    WinErr: 018 Unrecoverable error - System has been
    destroyed. Buy a new one. Old windows licence is not
    valid anymore.
    WinErr: 019 User error - Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not!
    WinErr: 01A Operating system overwritten - Please
    reinstall all your software. We are terribly sorry.
    WinErr: 01B Illegal error - You are not allowed to get this
    error. Next time you will get a penalty for that.
    WinErr: 01C Uncertainty error - Uncertainty may be
    WinErr: 01D System crash - We are unable to figure out
    our own code.
    WinErr: 01E Timing error - Please wait. And wait. And
    wait. And wait.
    WinErr: 01F Reserved for future mistakes of our
    WinErr: 020 Error recording error codes - Remaining errors
    will be lost.
    WinErr: 042 Virus error - A virus has been activated in a
    dos-box. The virus, however, requires Windows. All tasks
    will automaticly be closed and the virus will be activated
    WinErr: 079 Mouse not found - A mouse driver has not
    been installed. Please click the left mouse button to
    WinErr: 103 Error buffer overflow - Too many errors
    encountered. Next errors will not be displayed or
    WinErr: 678 This will end your Windows session. Do you
    want to play another game?
    WinErr: 683 Time out error - Operator fell asleep while
    waiting for the system to complete boot procedure.
    WinErr: 815 Insufficient Memory - Only 50,312,583 Bytes

  3. #13

    jokes 3

    Microsoft slogans

    Double your drive space: delete Windows!

    Ever noticed how fast Windows runs? Hey, neither did I!

    Windows Multitasking: screwing up several things at once

    Windows: just another pain in the glass

    Windows NT: Windows Nice Try

    Windows: Turn your Pentium into an XT...

    Windows: The Gates of Hell

    Windows: The colourful clown suit for DOS

    Windows: so intuitive you only need 3Mb of help files

    Windows: XT emulator for an AT

    Windows NT: Insert wallet into Drive A and press any key to

    Windows is for fun, Linux is for getting things done

    Windows 95: New look, same multicrashing

    Windows isn't a virus, viruses actually do something

    linux VirusScan - "Windows found: Remove it? [Y,n]"

    Difference between a virus and windows ? Viruses rarely fail

    Windows: From the people who brought you EDLIN

    Time on your hands? Get Windows!

    Microsoft Windows: a virus with mouse support

    Sorry, this virus requires Microsoft Windows 3.x

    A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle

    Are you using Windows or is that just an XT?

    Bang on the left side of your computer to restart Windows

    Breaking Windows isn't just for kids anymore ...

    Bugs come in through open Windows

    DOS 6.0 and Windows 3.1: a turtle and its shell

    DOS is just an operating system that runs Windows 3.1

    Data to Picard: "No Captain, I do not run Windows."

    Error #152 - Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance

    Error 005: Windows loading. Come back tomorrow

    Have you crashed your Windows today?

    If Windows is user friendly, why do you need a 678 page

    Masochist: Windows programmer with a smile

    New from McAfee - WinScan: removes all Windows programs

  4. $spacer_open
  5. #14


    Top 10 Reasons to Use Windows

    #10. You like Spyware.
    #9. You like Adware.
    #8. You enjoy the challenge of protecting your PC from viruses.
    #7. You can't type.
    #6. You prefer pirated software over free software.
    #5. You are too stupid and incapable of learning something new.
    #4. You don't care about stability.
    #3. You believe everybody should wear the same clothes, eat the same food, speak the same language, drive the same model car, etc.
    #2. You think the next security patch and/or release of windows will solve all your problems.
    #1. You think Bill Gates needs your money.

    Feel free to come up with better ideas. I'm sure you can think of at least one???

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