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A husband heads out for the day and leaves his wife the following message: Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs, ...
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- 10-09-2003 #1
You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs, which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight.
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:
You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.
Don't wait up.I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it. - Pablo Picasso
- 10-09-2003 #2
- Join Date
- Apr 2003
- London, UK
heh, good one
Secrets to a Happy Marriage
1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex.
and MOST important....
4. It is important that these three women never meet
- 10-09-2003 #3
- 10-09-2003 #4
Always good to have a few funny jokes to help out a ****** week."Time is an illusion. Lunchtime, doubly so."
~Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
- 10-12-2003 #5
- Join Date
- Sep 2003
- Between keyboard and chair.
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and
everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of
the grief they have experienced, He decides to grant them one wish each
before they enter Paradise. They're all lined up, and God asks the first
one what their wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His
fingers, and it is done. The second one in line hears this and says, "I
want to be gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is
granted. This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line,
the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people
left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing. Finally, God reaches
this guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy calms down and
says, "Make 'em all ugly again."
- 10-15-2003 #6
Okay, another one for you:
A little girl goes to her dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says "Well daughter, let me try to explain it this way:
I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism.
Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call
her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs,
so we'll call you the People.
The Nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your
baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that
and see if that makes sense."
So the little girl goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has
said. Later that night, she hears her baby brother crying, so
she gets up to check on him. She finds that the baby has severely
soiled his diaper. So the little girl goes to her parents' room and finds
her mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, she goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, she peeks in the
keyhole and sees her father in bed with the nanny.
She gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little girl says to her father,
"Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good daughter, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little girl replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the
Working Class, The Government is sound asleep, the People are
being ignored and the Future is in deep do-do!"I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it. - Pablo Picasso