Today's joke is ...

[fingal]

You know ... if you can't laugh what can you do? This was sent to me by a female friend, so apologies for any offence which I might cause to elderly, overweight, disabled Amish women. If you're reading this ... sorry

The Amish Elevator

An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this, Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out. The father said quietly to his son......

"Go and get your mother."
--------------------------------------------------------------
That was a joke, but just for your entertainment (and because I'm
bored) I'll tell you something about a lift that I heard from a
hotel manager I know. Yes ... verrrry bored but this is a true
story.

One day - after a hard weekend dealing with customers in a large
hotel in my neighbourhood - this hotel manager noticed some
customers standing around the lift looking confused. Talking to
them, he found that the lift refused to go either up or down.

He rang customer support at the lift firm and they agreed to come
and take a look, but in the meantime the manager had an idea.
Their in-house engineer had been unable to fix the problem, and
he'd tried everything he knew ... but the lift still refused to
go up or down. The lift *manufacturer* was based in America.

So the manager decided to look at video footage from the in-lift
camera and this is what he saw. At about 1 in the morning a group
of drunken residents had come back from a night on the town and
had a bright idea. 'Let's all jump up and down at the same time.
Ready? Bang' ... They did that and the lift went down to the
ground floor. They'd switched it into earthquake mode. It took
quite a while to reset it because the lift was designed to go
down in that mode, and stay there.

[geese]

ok here is something that really happened.

It might be a bit difficult to understand what is going on, its one of those jokes that is meant to be told rather that written. To make things clear, keep in mind that it is about two guys that stutter very badly and Princess town and Rio Claro are real places in Trinidad. And yes it really really happened.

My cousin was waiting for a taxi Princess Town when he overheard a guy asking another - “w.w.where c.c.can I.I.I g.g.get a .t.t.taxi t.t.to Rio Claro ?” . The other guy just looked at him and did not answer.
The guy said again “w.w.where c.c.can I.I.I g.g.get a t.t.taxi t.t.to Rio Claro ?” and again the other guy just looked at him and did not answer.
My cousin could not take it any more and went over to the guy and told him were he can find a taxi to Rio Claro.
The guy goes on his way, my cousin now turns to the other guy , and asked “so why didn't you help the man”.
The other guy “b.b.because h.h.he w.w.would t.t.think I m.m.mocking him.

[fingal]

The other guy “b.b.because h.h.he w.w.would t.t.think I m.m.mocking him.

He he that's great!

[cayalee]

hehe, nice one

[budman7]

l-l-lm-m-mao