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Code: * Windows 95 Source Code * /*Warning:* do not compile; unpredictable results/ Subject: *** TOP SECRET MICROSOFT CODE *** Project: Version - Windows 95 Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE): #include ...
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  1. #1
    Just Joined!
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
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    0

    M$ Leaked source code...


    Code:
    * Windows 95 Source Code *
    
     /*Warning:* do not compile; unpredictable results/
    
     Subject: *** TOP SECRET MICROSOFT CODE ***
     Project:  Version - Windows 95
    
     Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE):
    
     #include
     #include
     #include  /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
     #include  /* For the court of law */
    
     #define say(x) lie(x)
     #define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
     #define next_year soon
     #define the_product_is_ready_to_ship   another_beta_version
    
     void main()
     {
       if (latest_window_versionone_month_old)
       {
         if (there_are_still_bugs)
           market(bugfix);
         if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
           raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_blank_BUGLESS_VERSION);
       }
       while(everyone_chats_about_blank_version)
       {
         make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in
                                                         lie.h */
         if (rumours_grow_wilder)
           make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
         if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
         {
           market_time=ripe;
           say("It will be ready in one month);
           order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
           order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_blank_version);
           order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
           vapourware=TRUE;
           break;
          }
       }
       switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)
       {
          case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
            say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just testing");
            break;
         case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
            say("Yes it will work");
            ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
            pretend(there_is_no_problem);
            break;
          case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
            say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to"
                " the 32 bits architecture");
            inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");
            inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant"
                   "'cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs");
            inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");
            get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
            break;
          case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
            say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for
                 everyone");
            register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);
            when(time_is_ripe)
            {
              arrest(journalist);
              brainwash(journalist);
              when(journalist_says_windows_95_is_bugfree)
              {
                order(journalist, "write a nice objective article");
                release (journalist);
              }
            }
            break;
        }
        while (vapourware)
        {
          introduction_date++; /* Delay */
          if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
            break;
          say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH);
       }
       release(beta_version)
       while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)
       {
         bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;
         release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
         introduce(more_memory_requirements);
         if (customers_report_installation_problems)
         {
           say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem");
           if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)
           {
             ignore(customer);
             order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on this
                                                   bastard");
           }
         }
         if ( bills_bank_accountskyhigh && marriagetwo_years )
         {
           divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_her);
           wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks);
           marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
           devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
           if (boobies_start_to_hang)
    
             dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
         }
         if (there_is_another_company)
         {
           steal(their_ideas);
           accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas);
           hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
           wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);
           buy_out(other_company);
         }
       }
       /* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry at us */
       order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);
       buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);
       laugh_at(everyone, for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version);
     }
    
    
     void bugfix(void)
     {
       charge (a_lot_of_money)
       if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)
         say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");
       if (still_complaints)
       {
         ignore(customer);
         register(customer, big_Bill_book);
         /* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/
       }
     }

  2. #2
    Just Joined!
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Posts
    7
    Ha-Ha... too bad that is old.

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