jokes / funny stuff thread 2011

At the end of service the pastor asked it anyone had any prayer requests. A gentleman raised his hand and said, "Work has been slow, and I'm behind on my mortgage, pray that I get work."
Another hand went up and a lady said "The factory has been laying people off, and I got my notice this week. Pray that I get some other work."
One by one several people raised their hand with a similar request until they came to an older man who said, "Don't pray that I get work, I've got all the work I can handle, I don't need work. Pray that I get money, that's what I need."

For bird flu you need a tweetment.

For swine flu you need an oinkment.


:lol::lol::lol:

It was a hot day in Minnesota . Helga hung out the wash to dry and then went downtown to pick up some dry cleaning.

"Gootness, it's hotter dan hell today," she mused to herself as she walked down Main Street . She passed a tavern and thought , "Vy nodt?" So she walked in and took a seat at the bar.

The bartender walked up and asked her what she would like to drink.

"Ya know ," Helga said in a timid voice.... "I don't usually go into bars but today I vill make an exception...It is zo hot, I tink I'll have meself a cold beer."

"Anheuser Busch?" the bartender asked.

Helga blushed and replied, "Vell fine, tanks, und how's yur viener?"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by rokytnji

It was a hot day in Minnesota . Helga hung out the wash to dry and then went downtown to pick up some dry cleaning.

"Gootness, it's hotter dan hell today," she mused to herself as she walked down Main Street . She passed a tavern and thought , "Vy nodt?" So she walked in and took a seat at the bar.

The bartender walked up and asked her what she would like to drink.

"Ya know ," Helga said in a timid voice.... "I don't usually go into bars but today I vill make an exception...It is zo hot, I tink I'll have meself a cold beer."

"Anheuser Busch?" the bartender asked.

Helga blushed and replied, "Vell fine, tanks, und how's yur viener?"

---

Roky, I know a lotta folks in Minnesota, and I would be embarrassed to tell them this joke! Anyway, we are headed up there in May for a weekend music doo, so I might just have to try it out! :-)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by rokytnji

It was a hot day in Minnesota . Helga hung out the wash to dry and then went downtown to pick up some dry cleaning.

"Gootness, it's hotter dan hell today," she mused to herself as she walked down Main Street . She passed a tavern and thought , "Vy nodt?" So she walked in and took a seat at the bar.

The bartender walked up and asked her what she would like to drink.

"Ya know ," Helga said in a timid voice.... "I don't usually go into bars but today I vill make an exception...It is zo hot, I tink I'll have meself a cold beer."

"Anheuser Busch?" the bartender asked.

Helga blushed and replied, "Vell fine, tanks, und how's yur viener?"

---

Roky should have his own radio or TV program; he has so many great jokes in him. Thanks Roky!!

Not exactly a joke, but appreciate this from the HelpDesk point of view:

http://img233.imageshack.us/img233/2...rladder.th.gif


Trust me... it's true!:dazed:

So true JD, not just in tech, but in any interaction with the public.

My flowchart I had in my tool box when I worked on helicopters and factories as a Electrician. Still use it for problem solving on bikes.

http://mylaughingblog.com/wp-content...7/IMG_0273.jpg

Roky, I'm stealing that chart! Priceless! If a picture can say 1000 words, you have a good start on a novel there! :lol:

How to Please Your I.T. Department


1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.

3. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.

4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.

5. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.

6. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.

7. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it.

9. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.

10. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

11. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.

12. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

13. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

14. Don't learn the proper term for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "My thingy blew up".

15. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.