jokes / funny stuff thread 2011

I'll probably catch flack on this one but oh well. :lol:

The Funeral


A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee When he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first one.

Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.

Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity.

He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, "I Am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, But I've never seen a funeral like this.

"Whose funeral is it?" "My wife's."

''What happened to her?"

The man replied, "She yelled at me and my dog attacked and Killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my Wife when the dog turned on her."

A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence Passed between the two men.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

The man replied, "Get in line."

^^
LOL, that's funny right there, I don't care who you are.

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"Can I borrow the dog?"

The man replied, "Get in line."

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Hahaha! I didn't expect that punchline! :lol:

TaZMAn, you are on a roll today! Good stuff! :lol:

Those are great, Taz!

If my wife keeps watching those Home Improvement Shows. I am going to get in line at that funeral.

What is the difference between a Jack-O-Lantern and any Elected Official.

Nothing

Both are expressionless, and empty headed.

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If my wife keeps watching those Home Improvement Shows. I am going to get in line at that funeral.

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Better hurry Rok, I hear that the line is up to 204 men. :wink:

:lol:

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Originally Posted by rokytnji

What is the difference between a Jack-O-Lantern and any Elected Official?

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Not a joke ... a real question.












That's the joke ;)

Frank and Bill are playing a round of golf one day.
They see a pair of women ahead of them, pretty much taking their time.

Bill looks over and says, "Run on up there and ask them if we can play through."
Frank agrees and heads on up.

He gets about halfway there, stops and heads back.

Looking a little panicked, he says "I can't go up there... one of those women is my wife, and the other is my mistress!"

Bill said, "Alright then... I'll talk to them."

Bill runs towards the women, stops about halfway there and runs back to Frank.

"Small world ain't it, buddy?"

Some beauts there Taz and Jayd

Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority so lets try this one:-

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli ,a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek,a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and an African went to a night club.

The bouncer said "Sorry, I cant let you in without a Thai"