jokes / funny stuff thread 2011

Hi everyone, If you have jokes post them here. Try to keep in mind that this is a family oriented website and to keep it clean. Joke on, everyone!

I met a fairy today who said she would grant me one wish.
"I want to live forever," I said.
"Sorry" said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!"
"Fine," I said, "I want to die after the Democrats get their heads out of their butts!"
"You crafty sonofagun," said the fairy.

Link to the old thread can be found here.
http://www.linuxforums.org/forum/cof...ff-thread.html

Aliens first contact with man

Attachment 3213

^^ HAHAH

Q: What's the difference between a Lawyer and a Catfish?
A: One is a Scum sucking Scavenger and the other is just a Fish.

A man came in the house and his wife asked him "How was your golf game dear?"

"Not so good" he replied

Wife "Bad score?"

Man "No, I shot one of my best games ever."

Wife "Well what was bad about it then?"

Man "My golf partner, Fred, collapsed on the first green with a heart attack."

Wife "How terrible for you!"

Man "Yeah, for the next 17 holes it was hit the ball, drag Fred, hit the ball, drag Fred."

Changing Hats

http://www.freesoftwaremagazine.com/...3374/strip.jpg

HAHA
I think it's also funny how popular the image of a Red Fedora and what it stands for has become. Kind of incredible to me.

'If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they
can't have a headache and sex at the same time?'

Remember. I kid, I kid. I love women.:cool:

Well this is off to a good start!

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.‘Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes,” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?” Watson ponders for a minute.
“Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
“Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes is silent for a moment. ‘Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”

Durn 404 again.

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