Jokes/Funny Stuff thread (2013)

Hi !! If you have jokes post them here.

Try to keep in mind that this is a family oriented website and to keep it clean.

Joke on, everyone!


Last year's thread

A grandmother in NY got a call from her grandson telling her he was coming for a visit, she told him, "When you get to my building buzz me with your lbow and I'll let you in the door. When you get to the elevator, push 14 with your elbow, and it will take you to my floor. When you get to my door ring the door bell with your elbow, and I'll let you in. you got that?"
The young man answered "yes grandma, but why do you want me to push all those buttons with my elbow?"
She answered him sharply, "You're not comeing to see me empty handed are you?"

That's a New York City Grandma for sure, Mason!!

Simply priceless!
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Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was assembling some loads for an upcoming hunt. His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After along period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, handloading, and fishing. Maybe you should sell your guns and boat." Tim gets this horrified look on his face. She says, "Darling, what's wrong?" ”There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.”
"Ex wife!", she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
”I wasn't" he replies.

Still use the original protective head gear. Hair is gone though.

How do you get 4 old ladies to swear loudly?

Answer: Have a 5th old lady yell "BINGO"

Viagra is like a ride at Disney World. You have to wait for an hour to take a three minute ride.

Just thought I'd share with you a comic I found. Thought it was funny and appropriate.

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Noticing after the Monday Blues and tomorrows Tuesday Sux, Even my calender shows W T F........