I found a post that sort of helps me with this but not completely

I want to run a program in xephyr

The post says to do this

Xephyr -ac -screen 1152x864 -br -reset -terminate 2> /dev/null :1 &

and an xsession opens with an x that responds to my mouse

The post then says to Set your display (for X)


Then it says to issue this command ssh

-XfC -c blowfish user@server xterm

I assume user@server would be whatever I see at the prompt. i.e.


but I get a refused connection.